World Mental Health Day: ‘Win war within’
“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” These words of Frank Zappa ring true every time we see people around us with minds like closed parachutes -- blank, expressionless faces, eyes staring at nothing -- almost like zombies.
Yes, we have a race of zombies around us. These people live in the autopilot mode -- eating, drinking, talking mindlessly and holding within a mass of unspent negative emotional energy accumulated from experiences of the past. They often relive the scenes and the pain of the past.
But if something is painful, why would a person go over it again and again? That’s because the way we deal with physical pain is entirely different from how we handle emotional pain. In case of a physical injury/ pain, we tend to take immediate and proactive action, seek medical help and address the issue.
However, in case of emotional pain/ hurt, most often, the response is paradoxical -- it is one of experiential avoidance. In simple words, we sweep the pain under the carpet and deny its existence.
But the hurt does not go away. It keeps growing to the point where it can’t be handled anymore. The sufferers are constantly preoccupied with various interpretations of their negative experience. The painful truth is that they often like to preserve and cherish the emotional scars. These scars are deep and generally harder to heal than the physical ones. They also bring with them a vicious cycle of never-ending negativity.
For instance, if a student is labelled as a ‘failure’ or ‘somebody who can’t do anything in life’ by a person he / she attaches importance to, they can internalise those words as part of their life script. They can feel resentful with thoughts like -- ‘If only they had seen how well I perform in sports/ computers/ English language...why do they only have to see my marks in science and maths? I wish they thought me worthy of one more chance’.
Somewhere, an emotional decision is taken -- ‘Now, I will be a failure. Who cares about me that I should worry? With such thoughts, the person may then take out his / her pent up anger on a younger sibling or friend. In other words, the victim starts flaunting his / her emotional scars to the world, reacting with hostility and with no room for compassion or forgiveness.
People around such a person may feel he / she is fighting with everybody, destroying their mental peace and spoiling relationships. However, the truth is that what is visible is just an iota of what’s going on within. The person is at war with himself -- taking uncalculated risks, not eating properly, not sleeping enough and may be even driving recklessly. If the people around fail to recognise these symptoms, the next step the sufferer takes could be even more self-destructive.
Most don’t understand that a person’s self-destructive behaviour is a pathetic SOS call for attention from people who matter to him / her -- ‘Please pay attention to me. Something is breaking me and I am dying within’. ‘Listen to me’ is the silent call manifested in all suicide attempts. One should be aware of one’s internal overwhelming emotions. The upsurge of depressive thought and negatively can suck you in, if you are not mindful. Remember, it is your life and your choice. To everyone who is struggling with their internal demons -- I urge you to win the war within. Mental health professionals are there for you. There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you reach out to them.