Love at first sight? Not then but is sure now
REAL LOVE IS NOT ONLY A PHYSICAL UNION BUT SPIRITUAL COMMUNION. A HAPPY MARRIAGE NEEDS NONJUDGMENTAL ACCEPTANCE, SHARED VALUES, COMPANIONSHIP, EMOTIONAL CONNECT
Anniversaries and birthdays are a perfect time for compliments and praise, saying all the good things we don’t say to each other on other days, a time for reminiscing with passion and pleasure the happy little incidents that the heart has come to treasure. We celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary recently and many memories of marital togetherness made me smile in serenity.
I recall myself in my midteens, running on hormones and teenage angst. There were regular showdowns at home and the sound of my room door being banged often. Soon the days packed with studies, exams, family vacations and a lot of laughter slipped by as I got a job in a college. Then there I stood as a coy bride at the threshold of my in-laws home with stars in the eyes, butterflies in the stomach and a spring in my steps, anxiously asking myself, “Will my arranged marriage be successful? Will my partner be compatible?” The nervousness about my life partner swung from ridiculous to mundane.
Sensual friendships in youth, the bewitching portrayal of marriage in movies elevate it to the pedestal of rosy hues with romance and rapture. It makes us believe that marriage is all about vows to cherish and hold, with promises of joys untold. But hold on, no one prepares for adjustments, compromises, expectations and battles within families. You suddenly realise though you have married a man yet must accept unconditionally the whole of his clan.
My culinary skills were always suspect and the kitchen glossary not an asset, so I was quite unsure of myself in all aspects. Initial years of marriage passed by quickly from changing diapers of a newborn son, and from trivial tiffs to honestly hilarious moments when once my husband forgot to pick me up from college and went straight home.
His candid confession was he is not used to going to college after office. The relationship swung between grey areas where we had tragically confusing conflicts and mighty conversations and magical moments. Both of us struggled to have a comfort zone, a ‘me’ space sans dependency. So the whole gamut of transition from teens to thirties and forties passed by quickly, weighing career on one side and family life on the other.
Years rolled by. The memories have become a repository of stories to understand what marriage means. This introspective journey to the past made me feel that marriage is a commitment by two people to be together to revel in reveries and share its miseries. The charm, curiosity and congeniality of this happy and harmonious relationship withstand adversity. The million-dollar smile remains alive as lustrous hair fall and mesmerising eyes get bespectacled. Real love is not only a physical union but spiritual communion. A happy marriage needs nonjudgmental acceptance, shared values, companionship, emotional connect, flexibility and empathy. Difference of opinion and arguments are bound to arise but a patient hearing can help resolve issues amicably.
I feel marriage with a harmonious relationship is more important to happiness than any other worldly wealth. My husband is God’s best gift and now in my mellowing years, I want my journey of love to end without swift.
He is the one who stands like a rock in the sea of life when my canoe is stuck in whirlpool of emotional tides and ebbs, he becomes my anchor, mooring me to a safe and secure harbour. Such is the autumn of our love, each day it springs and illuminates like summer, ecstasy like heavenly shower, our life is but a metaphor, loved with divine lustre!