Kitty parties undergo a makeover, well almost

THE KITTY MONEY THAT WAS ONCE A WOMAN’S PERSONAL SWISS ACCOUNT WHICH MAGICALLY COMES OUT OF THE CLOSET WHEN HER FAMILY NEEDS IT IS NOW MORE OF A VACATION FUND

Kitty parties are no longer the quintessential social gatherings of bored housewives seeking a part-time occupational entertainment. They have metamorphosed into something grander, just the way a kitty would grow into a full blown hep cat. Even a small, sleepy town such as Hoshiarpur, from where I come, has witnessed this change.

Kitty parties with themes of spirits, which leap bound to spiritual ones, are plenty. If you are the devotional kind the ‘paathh kitty’ is what you need to join, and should you be in the mood to trash your daughterin-law the Pammi Aunty kitty is the place to be.

Usually, these groups are so exclusive that a recommendation or ‘introduction’ is needed even to enroll as a member. But once there, you are elevated to a position of social respect, and envy. The kitties are in fact a culture. Initially, it used to be about women gathering to exhibit their culinary talents or to chit-chat over home remedies. The more empowered and financially independent woman has turned this kitty into an experience of a different sort. It’s more like a luncheon in a café, where everyone is dressed to kill. They laugh, relax and vent too without being eavesdropped. The kitty money that was once a woman’s personal Swiss account which magically comes out of the closet when her family needs it is now more of a vacation fund.

I happened to walk into a restaurant in Ludhiana the other day where a bunch of women were busy in their kitty party. Their shrill voices were hard to ignore. I said to myself, “Humble Hoshiarpur or loud Ludhiana, the kitty talks are an equaliser.” They had the same concerns: their everyday combat with sugar and processed food, or about their struggles with the house help, or reviews of a new gym or a new salon in the city. And the same spirit summed up by the same expression, “Saanu ki” (But do we care?) to wind up every gossip. What does “Saanu ki” symbolise? The women’s zest for gossip or their desire to appear sublimely aloof after that gossip?

Flirting with food and pretending not to be too bothered about how it affects, a lot of women were seen merely tinkering their plate with spoons, pretending to eat but actually avoiding while those who need to ‘mind their weight’ would just not wait – to eat! And can we resist commenting on how others look – or even eat or dress! “She is dieting,” said one to another about another. “No, she has joined the Zumba classes”, said the second woman to the first about a ‘new arrival’.

“But she looks so ‘thin’? (Only men call women ‘slim’. We are never so kind to one another.) “No, it is just her black dress. I’ve seen her hogging on the desserts.” And now, enter the lady whose thin-ness was being derided. Suddenly, everyone was gushing with friendship and love for her. And what was “thin” in her absence became ‘slim” in her presence. “How do you stay so slim?” The new entrant quickly busted the myth of any link between hogging and weight. “Oh, it’s just a thyroid imbalance.” Meanwhile, a bulky woman in a corner heaved a sigh: “Even thyroid ditched me; I have the one which merely fattens!” This was followed by loud guffaws. A waiter came to request lowering of laughter. But the bulky beauty jestshouted him away, “Don’t mess with the laughing “srupnakhas,” another Lanka is burnt down in a war for honour.”

After the ritualistic selfie session, quick goodbyes were said with a little peck on the cheek and they parted on a promise to catch up soon.

Before the ladies took a quick “group photo” for Facebook, I ventured to ask one of them, “What’s the key to you people being so full of life?” Almost everyone shouted in one laughing voice, “The key lies in “Saanu ki? Jo marzi karo. We never gossip about others.” Yes, you don’t, I thought. No matter how progressive kitty parties have become, the element of gossip remains the most essential key.