When you’re good with faces, bad with names
Have you ever failed to remember a face? I think we all do this every now and then. Faces that linger vaguely at the back of the mind; you know the smile, but miss the identity.
How do you cope with the situation when the other person gives you a tight hug or shakes your hand enthusiastically, with the misplaced confidence of mutual familiarity? You know if you falter or fumble a little, your quizzical expression and shaking voice can give you away and deflate the excitement, thus embarrassing the other person no end. But you can always respond with the same vivacity, with the same hug and handshake, and initiate a friendly conversation. It might bring out the identity of the person; but even if not, at least you can have the satisfaction of making her/his day with your smiling face.
Having taught in the same college in the same town for a quarter of a century, and having two generations of women in the town as my students, I come across them every other day, in the marketplace, malls, movies or a wedding. Most of them I can recognise; some others I have to dig out of the elephantine repository called memory; while in some cases the mind goes blank. But the cheerfulness with which a student rushes forward to meet me touches my heart and even if I’m unable to place the face, I would never let it show. A hug from me makes her face glow with happiness; and asking about her life, family and job re-establishes a lost bond.
But forgetting a face can be quite embarrassing. One of my friends, who could not remember or recognise people, would often put her husband in a tight corner in front of his friends, colleagues and even relatives. They, then, devised a plan. The husband would start with, ‘Remember Mr so and so?’ ‘Of course I know him!’ and things would move in a smooth friendly way.
Keeping a polite and pleasant demeanour with strangers too is an art. A smile, a nod, a few cheerful words or a helping hand here and there can bring sunshine in one’s daily life. In the US, people are in the habit of greeting you with a warm ‘Hello!’ ‘How are you!’ or ‘Have a good day!’ that makes you connect with them even if for a moment. There is nothing wrong in indulging in casual conversation with strangers. You never know when that short encounter becomes a lifelong memory.
Sometime ago, while driving down from Shimla, at a small village a middle-aged Pahadi woman wearing that typical velvet cap, requested for a lift up to Kandaghat. Once inside the car, she dozed off immediately and I couldn’t have any conversation with her. But as she got down at her destination, I slid down the window-glass and she said, “Namaste ji kabhi aayiye hamare ghar par (Do come over to our place).” “Ji zaroor aayenge (Oh sure, definitely),” I said and she walked away. There was silence in the car for a few seconds; we both were overwhelmed and a little confused. What a conversation! Here were two strangers who didn’t know anything about each other; I didn’t even know where her home was; but perhaps this was her way of thanking me. While her invitation warmed me up, my accepting it brought a smile on her face. What else do we need in life? It doesn’t cost anything to be amiable.
A HUG FROM ME MAKES HER FACE GLOW WITH HAPPINESS; AND ASKING ABOUT HER LIFE, FAMILY AND JOB RE-ESTABLISHES A LOST BOND