When marriage is not a safe and essential space
The ordeal of Sujata Khullar, a victim of domestic abuse, is a reminder of how too many women sacrifice too much of themselves for marriage, assuming it to be a safe space. Her experience — and her courage — should also make us connect the dots to the lar
There are scarlet-coloured burns down her face; an assortment of tubes are connected to an exposed opening in her neck, her arms are draped in surgical bandages, and her wrists can no longer form a fist. She is pregnant with twins. “I don’t know if my babies are safe, the doctors say it’s critical,’’ Sujata Gupta (nee Khullar) told me, through tears, speaking from her house in Mohali, Punjab.
Ever since 39-year-old Sujata’s siblings reached out to me, I have felt haunted by the enormity of what has been done to her. Worse, in a noisy, perennially outraged, always argumentative nation, there has been next to no attention paid to the lonely battle of the Khullar family.
In early January, Sujata’s husband, Prashant Gupta, doused her with petrol, and used his lighter to set her on fire. The immediate trigger was a quarrel over an extramarital affair that, Sujata says, she confronted her husband with. Their six-year-old son was witness to this. He went running from the spot, screaming repeatedly, “Mummy ko jala diya”. Today he is so scared to see his mother’s disfigured face that he does not want to come near her. Sujata, a survivor of horrific domestic violence, appears monster-like to her traumatised child.
“This is not attempted murder; this is murder,” said Sujata’s anguished brother, Yogesh, a software engineer. He points out that “effectively my sister’s life is over, her identity has been erased, and her future has been snatched”. Sujata’s husband, employed with the merchant navy, is absconding. “If anything happens to her children, it would mean he is guilty of not just trying to kill one, but three,” says Yogesh, whose family is now struggling to meet Sujata’s medical expenses.
What is shocking is that in six months, not a single arrest has been made.
When we reached out to the local police, they told us that Sujata’s husband also sustained burns. There are varying versions of whether this happened because he was injured by the flames that almost killed his wife or threw petrol over himself. He was admitted to the same hospital his wife was being treated in.
Sujata and her family argue that Gupta did this to cover his tracks and evade arrest. They imply that the system colluded such that though he was ready to be discharged from the hospital much earlier, he kept extending his admission.
Only an investigation can establish the veracity of this last point. But the police confirm both facts — Prashant Gupta was not arrested because he was hospitalised with burns; since then he is “farar (absconding)”. So essentially he has made his escape.
Sujata’s story is an instructive reminder of how too many Indian women sacrifice too much of themselves for marriage, assuming it to be a safe and essential space. Sometimes it is anything but. Sujata, the daughter of a vice-principal, also wanted to be a teacher. But after her wedding, her in-laws frowned upon the idea of her working. The absence of economic autonomy was one of the many reasons she became fearful of walking out of a disrespectful and abusive relationship.
Her ordeal — and her courage — should also make us connect the dots to the larger debate around why marital rape is still not a crime in
India. The split verdict in the Delhi high court had one judge, justice Hari Shankar, proclaim that criminalising sexual abuse within a marriage could destabilise the institution of marriage, where conjugal intimacy had to be treated as a given. But, of course, the answer to an unfulfilling personal relationship should be divorce, not rape.
This verdict is rooted in the larger culture of patriarchy that defines a woman’s rights within a marriage. Imagine if the same argument was made for domestic violence, as is today being made for marital rape.
We have to accept that Sujata’s story reinforces what the hard facts already tell us. More women are abused, assaulted and violated within a circle of trust than by strangers. National Crime Records Bureau data reveals that more than 90% of Indian women know their perpetrator.
Sujata’s family believes the police have been bribed or manipulated. They say Gupta’s parents and relatives have been threatening them with consequences if their criminal case is not withdrawn.
The assault took place when there was a Congress government in power. Punjab’s new government made a big statement about change by sacking a minister accused of corruption.
Will it extend its culture of change to Sujata (Gupta) Khullar?
SUJATA, THE DAUGHTER OF A VICE-PRINCIPAL, ALSO WANTED TO BE A TEACHER. BUT AFTER HER WEDDING, HER IN-LAWS FROWNED UPON THE IDEA OF HER WORKING. THE ABSENCE OF ECONOMIC AUTONOMY WAS ONE OF THE MANY REASONS SHE BECAME FEARFUL OF WALKING OUT OF A DISRESPECTFUL AND ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP