Celebrating new-age dads and old-time equations
This year has been one of discovery for me. What has been my breakthrough, you might ask? Well, for starters, the idea that the West is quite the leveller has just dawned upon me. Certainly, in terms of gender parity, the pay scales seem to be close to each other. Society seems to be a little more equal than less. Moreover, the stereotypes long cemented of what men/fathers/husbands and women/mothers/wives should look and act like seem to be crumbling like a shaky house of cards.
This year, especially as I bore witness to the father of my children who participated in all chores with equal gusto and pride, I felt the shattering of age-old stereotypes, one cliché at a time. A father too can bathe, cook, clean and equally parent. Er, maybe not cook, but he can very well try his hand at it without denting his all-powerful masculinity.
For long, we have celebrated the idea of fathers as patriarchs, heads of family, non-negotiable, always firm, never fluid, men of their word, stoic. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Each generation has its unique characteristics and offerings, conditioned by the circumstances of the time. However, as generations progress, Baby Boomers take a backseat, Generation X sprouts grey hair, and there’s a rise of Millennial Dads. We witness an upswing of another idea of a father. A figure of trust, open to ideas, equal decision makers, loud and proud feminists, eager to learn, confabulators, practical and serene. Fathers have evolved and how!
So, with Father’s Day (celebrated on the third Sunday of June) approaching, when I see our girls making cards for their dad, I cannot resist getting a sneak peek. Here’s what our nineyear-old wrote:
“I love my dad,
And I can never bear to see him sad. He is the best,
And he has the most big heart in his chest.”
The younger one has caricatured a stick-like turbaned figure - mopping, standing next to a stick-like ponytailed figure, brooming, aptly labelled as “papa” and “mama”, respectively. “Who’s this beta?” I ask. “It’s you and papa, my favourite team!” she squeals.
As a front row spectator, watching him and the girls bond has been one of my privileges. Right from learning, forgetting, and relearning how to put on a diaper to nearly grasping the art of making pigtails, my children’s father continues to awe me. When the kids fall and scrape a knee, we’ve sort of fallen into a predictable routine wherein I stomp and curse the floor/ table/chair/inanimate object which hurt them, and he pulls them into a warm embrace and makes them feel that it’s going to be okay.
The high decibel commotion at our house is acceptable because the father of my children believes that a house is a happy home only when it echoes the laughter (and the skirmishes) of its junior inhabitants.
Irrespective of which generation dad one is, but he is one “who leaves evidence of accountability, reliability, teaching, coaching, lessons learned, growth, maturity, inspiration, perseverance, faith, love, family and home”, as motivational speaker Ty Howard rightly says.
As I ruminate about this rather tall order that fathers endeavour to live up to, in tiptoes the triad. “Papa, our icecream date was a secret, don’t tell mama!”, “Shhh, she’s right here,” guffaws the younger one, licking clean her vanilla moustache, as their father beams. Some equations remain the same, across generations. I smile, because I too am my father’s daughter.
WE WITNESS AN UPSWING OF ANOTHER IDEA OF A FATHER. A FIGURE OF TRUST, OPEN TO IDEAS, EQUAL DECISION MAKERS, LOUD AND PROUD FEMINISTS, EAGER TO LEARN, CONFABULATORS, PRACTICAL AND SERENE. FATHERS HAVE EVOLVED AND HOW!