Insecure partners are more likely to bring up past grudges

Those who worry that their partners do not love and care for them are more likely to bring up past misdeeds in new, unrelated contexts, leading to more conflicts in the relationship, says a study. “When memories feel closer to the present, they are construed as more representative of the relationship,” said co-author of the study, Kassandra Cortes from the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada.

“If one bad memory feels recent, a person will also be more likely to remember other past slights, and attach more importance to them,” Cortes added. The researchers found that even if no one mentions the transgressions during arguments, just thinking about them could be enough to have a detrimental effect on the relationship. A person may feel frustrated if they do not understand why their partner has become so upset over something so seemingly minor.

The study found that those who reported thinking about the past during a recent conflict said they reacted to the current conflict more destructively, reported having more frequent and intense conflicts with their partners and felt worse about their relationships in general.

“It may be useful for people to resolve an issue with their partner when it occurs, rather than pretending to forgive their partner or just letting it go when they are upset. This way, the issue may be less likely to resurface,” says the study’s authors.

PHOTO: ISTOCK Always resolve an issue with your partner when it occurs, instead of bringing it up again later