Man’s love: I love you till I get that girl sitting there

I started falling for my friend a long time back. When I got to know that she was committed, I was hurt. She broke up with her boyfriend six months back and my hopes rekindled. But, she patched up with him. How should I tackle this problem? YC

YC firstly a belated Happy Valentine’s Day. On second thoughts please cancel that greeting, as if you had a Happy Valentine’s Day, not to mention a Happy Valentine, you wouldn’t be writing in. Well, it looks like you missed your Aadhaar Card deadline by 30 days. If they’ve patched up, you missed the vacancy period. Now you’ve got to go for the long game strategy. To be successful here, you need a lot of patience, a consistent approach, and lots of Vitamin C. Remain friends, try to spend time with her, but don’t reveal all your cards. (And I don’t mean Aadhaar or PAN Card here). If they’ve broken up once, you can hope it happens again. Stay at first slip and wait for the ball to come to you.

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for the last six years. His family is conservative, so he got married to another girl. I’m emotionally attached to him. We often have sex. But, after sometime I don’t feel good about myself. I can’t sleep at night. He says he loves me and that he doesn’t love his wife. They sleep in different bedrooms. What should I do? CS

King Henrique of Belgium’s nephew, Douglas. Douglas was in love with his cousin, Pierre’s wife. They also had relations, but when Douglas forgot to wish his love on her anniversary, she complained to the King, who had all of Douglas’s chest hair removed, publicly twice. In fact even today, if your name is Douglas and you are Belgian, then you have a bare-naked torso, for sure. Frankly, the ball is in your lover’s court. It’s his wife, and his marriage. He has to decide, which one is more important. All you can do is ask him to choose. At the moment, he’s having his cake and eating it too, albeit in separate bedrooms. If you want legitimacy, then it’s all upto to him. But, leaving a wife, even one with a moustache, is no easy task. Ask Douglas.

My best friend is stuck with the memories of her ex. The person she dated has not settled down as yet. He is 36 and 12 years older to her. At one point we started a fake Facebook profile on a girl’s name and sent him a friend request. He accepted the request and wanted to meet the girl. Is this guy genuine? SS

SS, your performance is clearly the greatest piece of detective work, since Sherlock Holmes’s in ‘The Sign of 4’. But since that was a work of fiction, it is the greatest piece of detective work, since the discovery of Monica Lewinsky/Bill Clinton affair. Like most men, this guy obviously likes to keep his option open. Hence, the famous North Korean saying which says, when a man says “I Love You”, he means “I love you till I meet the next girl, sitting over there”. If your friend knows all this, then what’s the problem? He stands exposed. Unless she’s an absolute nut, she needs to move on.

I’m in love with a guy from a neighbouring coaching class. I’ve confessed my love to him through our friends. We rarely talk and he is shy in front of me. How do I get him to commit to me? CONFUSED LOVER

Why confess your love for this guy to your other friends? Why stop there? Get your friends to decide everything. When you go to the toilet? Your clothes? Your hairstyle? Ms. Confused Lover, try and understand what Artemis the Soothsayer meant, when he said ‘The Early Bird Catches the Worm’. It’s all about Demand vs. Supply. In Athens, at that point there were only 4 worms to every bird. And 50% of the worms were undernourished. You also have a very limited supply line, so don’t wonder off to meet other birds and take their opinions. Instead, go get yourself a nice, plump, healthy, worm. Him being shy, is no problem. Take the lead yourself. Take, prod and feel your way through.

CS your case is exactly the same as the case of the