Fear of the first move

Hindustan Times (Patna) - Live - - Lifestyle - Collin Ro­drigues collin.ro­drigues@hin­dus­tan­times.com ■

In a re­la­tion­ship sur­vey con­ducted by shaadi.com, about 90% men said they will make the first move in a re­la­tion­ship. Sur­pris­ingly, only 19% women said ‘yes’ and 10.5% said ‘may be’ to the ques­tion. As much as 70% said they wouldn’t make the first move. In our coun­try, men usu­ally take the lead when it comes to mak­ing the first move. So, what is it that stops women from mak­ing the first move? Psy­chother­a­pist and life coach Neeta V Shetty at­tributes it to tra­di­tional and cul­tural rea­sons. She says, “The fear of re­jec­tion stops them from mak­ing the first move. Many women also feel shy to do so.” The be­lief that it’s al­ways the man’s job to make the first move may also be a de­ter­rent for women. Psy­chi­a­trist Git­tan­jali Sax­ena says that men are usu­ally handed over the re­spon­si­bil­ity to start the con­ver­sa­tion and are the pro­tag­o­nist when it comes to so­cial­is­ing. She says, “Men by na­ture, will al­ways go out and make the first move. This in­hibits the women who have been con­di­tioned to wait for men to make the first move. There is also a fear of be­ing judged if a woman is the ini­tia­tor. Women may also feel that they would be per­ceived as ag­gres­sive and not lady like.”


Shetty says women also have their no­tions about why men should make the first move. She says, “When men make the first move, it makes women feel wanted. It also ful­fills their ro­man­tic no­tions of men go­ing on their knees and propos­ing them. This may also make them feel safe from the per­spec­tive of read­ing the guy’s over­ture in the right way.”

Shetty also points out there was a time when women who made the first move, when it comes to dat­ing, were con­sid­ered morally loose. She con­tin­ues, “There may be some men who still have this frame of mind. There are no hard and fast rules. Be­cause the dat­ing sce­nario is chang­ing, there are no spe­cific gen­der de­fined roles any­more as more and more women are get­ting fi­nan­cially and emo­tion­ally in­de­pen­dent. This in­de­pen­dence is also mak­ing them to be de­ci­sion­mak­ers and go-get­ters. The rules of re­la­tion­ships are also chang­ing. There is noth­ing taboo about the girl mak­ing the first move.”


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