Hindustan Times (Patna) - Hindustan Times (Patna) - Live
Fear of the first move
In a relationship survey conducted by shaadi.com, about 90% men said they will make the first move in a relationship. Surprisingly, only 19% women said ‘yes’ and 10.5% said ‘may be’ to the question. As much as 70% said they wouldn’t make the first move. In our country, men usually take the lead when it comes to making the first move. So, what is it that stops women from making the first move? Psychotherapist and life coach Neeta V Shetty attributes it to traditional and cultural reasons. She says, “The fear of rejection stops them from making the first move. Many women also feel shy to do so.” The belief that it’s always the man’s job to make the first move may also be a deterrent for women. Psychiatrist Gittanjali Saxena says that men are usually handed over the responsibility to start the conversation and are the protagonist when it comes to socialising. She says, “Men by nature, will always go out and make the first move. This inhibits the women who have been conditioned to wait for men to make the first move. There is also a fear of being judged if a woman is the initiator. Women may also feel that they would be perceived as aggressive and not lady like.”
LONG-HELD BELIEF
Shetty says women also have their notions about why men should make the first move. She says, “When men make the first move, it makes women feel wanted. It also fulfills their romantic notions of men going on their knees and proposing them. This may also make them feel safe from the perspective of reading the guy’s overture in the right way.”
Shetty also points out there was a time when women who made the first move, when it comes to dating, were considered morally loose. She continues, “There may be some men who still have this frame of mind. There are no hard and fast rules. Because the dating scenario is changing, there are no specific gender defined roles anymore as more and more women are getting financially and emotionally independent. This independence is also making them to be decisionmakers and go-getters. The rules of relationships are also changing. There is nothing taboo about the girl making the first move.”