‘Fear of par­ents shouldn’t re­ally be cat­e­gorised as a fear’

Hindustan Times (Patna) - Live - - Lifestyle -

I had been talk­ing to a girl since my col­lege days. Af­ter I fell in love with some­one else, we lost con­tact. Now, we have started talk­ing again. Re­cently, I con­fessed my feel­ings to her. She said she wasn’t sure how she felt. Part of the prob­lem is that we don’t see each other of­ten, the com­mu­ni­ca­tion is only vir­tual. She wants me to meet her more of­ten. She tells me that she will share in­tri­cate de­tails of her life to me only if she dates me. What do I make of this sit­u­a­tion? MF

MF, frankly, as your friend, which I’m not, let me con­fess to you, I’m para­noid about re­la­tion­ships based on vir­tual con­tact. It leads to so many unan­swered ques­tions? Like does she have body odour? Is she more a mu­tual fund or a stocks and shares in­vestor? Does she be­lieve that Tu­pac is still alive? If so, is he clean-shaven or car­ry­ing a goa­tee? How­ever, luck­ily for you she’s keen on dat­ing you. Which is a pre­cur­sor to go­ing steady. It’s like walk­ing, be­fore you start run­ning. So you have a per­fect sit­u­a­tion. Step 1: You like her. Step 2: You guys date. Step 3: You find out if she thinks Tu­pac is alive, and de­pend­ing on her an­swer, you guys start go­ing steady. So it’s a case of ‘Ready, Go, Steady’.

I am a guy, and I pro­posed to my neigh­bour af­ter he told me that he likes me. Ini­tially, he be­haved as if he would ac­cept my pro­posal, but then, he said no. Now he stares at me from his win­dow. But, when I try to talk to him he goes in­side his house. I want him des­per­ately. Heis my best friend as well. I don’t want to lose him. What shall I do? AK

AK, so you are a guy, who likes a guy. This is noth­ing new. It’s the story of most mu­si­cals. It looks like he’s not yet ac­cepted his own sex­ual ori­en­ta­tion. The fa­mous South In­dian Brah­min Scholar Jasu Acharya, tried to raise a snail to be a dog. It was a mod­er­ately suc­cess­ful ex­per­i­ment. As in the snail learned how to fetch (a grain of rice), but if you started him off on Mon­day, he brought the rice back only by Wednesday, 2 pm. I want you to do the same. It’s a case of too quick, too soon. Be like the snail. Just get him to start greet­ing you again. This he will do only af­ter a lit­tle break. Once he ac­knowl­edges you, slowly get into right con­ver­sa­tions, you need to get to know each other first. And he needs to know what he wants. Be a snail to en­snare a male. He needs to gain con­fi­dence in you, which will lead to him hope­fully find­ing con­fi­dence in him­self.

A boy in my coach­ing class asked for my notes and while re­turn­ing them, put a choco­late in be­tween my copies. I re­turned the choco­late, and asked him not to give it back to me. But, then, he in­sists on giv­ing me a choco­late ev­ery time he asks for my notes. Of­ten, he tries to start a con­ver­sa­tion, but I have never re­sponded. Now, I have started de­vel­op­ing feel­ings for him. I don’t know if he feels the same. May be, I am in­ter­pret­ing him wrongly. Should I con­fess the truth to him? KK

KK, un­less he’s try­ing to re­cruit pa­tients for his dad, who is a den­tist, he clearly likes you. You must re­mem­ber what Vikram Aditya VIIth said, “Work is over­rated”. Bear in mind

he was the only ‘Gupta King to keep a one day work a week’. (I think it was Satur­day). If you are feel­ing for him, and he’s do­ing all the ro­manc­ing, just sit back and en­joy the ride. All you have to do is start re­spond­ing to his con­ver­sa­tion. Chocolates and con­ver­sa­tions are as ro­man­tic as ro­mance can get. Your in­ter­pre­ta­tion is spot on. And re­mem­ber thanks to in­fla­tion, it may be chocolates now, but in five years, if this is still go­ing on, he’ll have to gift you a Mercedes. Lucky you.

My boyfriend ex­pects a lot from me, but he doesn’t like me do­ing the same. If I do any­thing wrong he stops talk­ing to me and says he wants to break up. When I agree for the break up, he starts crying and shows his con­cern to me. What can I do to make sure ev­ery­thing is fine? SS

One word psy­chi­a­trist. He needs men­tal, emo­tional and phys­i­cal help. His manic de­pres­sive be­hav­iour is wor­ry­ing. Ba­si­cally he is what the Greek po­ets iden­ti­fied as a melo­dra­matic per­son­al­ity, in all like­li­hood. Such a per­son over­re­acts to ev­ery­thing. For in­stance, their re­sponse on con­fronting a mos­quito would be the same, as if they had en­coun­tered a tiger in the wild. Now, you can live with the ex­ag­ger­a­tions, or you can get him to tone it down. How­ever, try­ing to mould and change per­son­al­i­ties is al­ways fraught with a risk. Hitler tried to do so with a whole na­tion and failed.

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