‘Fear of parents shouldn’t really be categorised as a fear’

I had been talking to a girl since my college days. After I fell in love with someone else, we lost contact. Now, we have started talking again. Recently, I confessed my feelings to her. She said she wasn’t sure how she felt. Part of the problem is that we don’t see each other often, the communication is only virtual. She wants me to meet her more often. She tells me that she will share intricate details of her life to me only if she dates me. What do I make of this situation? MF

MF, frankly, as your friend, which I’m not, let me confess to you, I’m paranoid about relationships based on virtual contact. It leads to so many unanswered questions? Like does she have body odour? Is she more a mutual fund or a stocks and shares investor? Does she believe that Tupac is still alive? If so, is he clean-shaven or carrying a goatee? However, luckily for you she’s keen on dating you. Which is a precursor to going steady. It’s like walking, before you start running. So you have a perfect situation. Step 1: You like her. Step 2: You guys date. Step 3: You find out if she thinks Tupac is alive, and depending on her answer, you guys start going steady. So it’s a case of ‘Ready, Go, Steady’.

I am a guy, and I proposed to my neighbour after he told me that he likes me. Initially, he behaved as if he would accept my proposal, but then, he said no. Now he stares at me from his window. But, when I try to talk to him he goes inside his house. I want him desperately. Heis my best friend as well. I don’t want to lose him. What shall I do? AK

AK, so you are a guy, who likes a guy. This is nothing new. It’s the story of most musicals. It looks like he’s not yet accepted his own sexual orientation. The famous South Indian Brahmin Scholar Jasu Acharya, tried to raise a snail to be a dog. It was a moderately successful experiment. As in the snail learned how to fetch (a grain of rice), but if you started him off on Monday, he brought the rice back only by Wednesday, 2 pm. I want you to do the same. It’s a case of too quick, too soon. Be like the snail. Just get him to start greeting you again. This he will do only after a little break. Once he acknowledges you, slowly get into right conversations, you need to get to know each other first. And he needs to know what he wants. Be a snail to ensnare a male. He needs to gain confidence in you, which will lead to him hopefully finding confidence in himself.

A boy in my coaching class asked for my notes and while returning them, put a chocolate in between my copies. I returned the chocolate, and asked him not to give it back to me. But, then, he insists on giving me a chocolate every time he asks for my notes. Often, he tries to start a conversation, but I have never responded. Now, I have started developing feelings for him. I don’t know if he feels the same. May be, I am interpreting him wrongly. Should I confess the truth to him? KK

KK, unless he’s trying to recruit patients for his dad, who is a dentist, he clearly likes you. You must remember what Vikram Aditya VIIth said, “Work is overrated”. Bear in mind

he was the only ‘Gupta King to keep a one day work a week’. (I think it was Saturday). If you are feeling for him, and he’s doing all the romancing, just sit back and enjoy the ride. All you have to do is start responding to his conversation. Chocolates and conversations are as romantic as romance can get. Your interpretation is spot on. And remember thanks to inflation, it may be chocolates now, but in five years, if this is still going on, he’ll have to gift you a Mercedes. Lucky you.

My boyfriend expects a lot from me, but he doesn’t like me doing the same. If I do anything wrong he stops talking to me and says he wants to break up. When I agree for the break up, he starts crying and shows his concern to me. What can I do to make sure everything is fine? SS

One word psychiatrist. He needs mental, emotional and physical help. His manic depressive behaviour is worrying. Basically he is what the Greek poets identified as a melodramatic personality, in all likelihood. Such a person overreacts to everything. For instance, their response on confronting a mosquito would be the same, as if they had encountered a tiger in the wild. Now, you can live with the exaggerations, or you can get him to tone it down. However, trying to mould and change personalities is always fraught with a risk. Hitler tried to do so with a whole nation and failed.