‘Why fool your­self into one-sided friend­ship?’

Hindustan Times (Patna) - Live - - Lifestyle -

A few days back, my boyfriend’s par­ents saw us to­gether. Since then, he has promised them that he won’t talk to me. He means ev­ery­thing to me. But, now, we rarely talk. I can’t stop think­ing about him, nor can he break his prom­ise. What should we do? MM

MM, firstly this is more his prob­lem than yours. The par­ents be­long to him. If they be­longed to you, then it be­comes your prob­lem. Par­ents are not like en­ergy. They can’t be trans­ferred from one per­son to an­other. Be­lieve me I’ve tried. And who­ever I trans­ferred them to, re­turned then back to me within 24 hours and with a note at­tached say­ing “Please don’t ever trans­fer them again”. Tell your boyfriend to find some courage. But now af­ter de­mon­eti­sa­tion, courage is in short sup­ply. If he loves you, “he has to stand up to his par­ents, and sort things out”. He needs to be both firm and gen­tle. If he doesn’t he’s not worth it.

I like a girl in my col­lege. When I first sent her a friend re­quest on Face­book, she didn’t ac­cept it. She did it later, but blocked me af­ter a while. I like her very much. My friends say that she was a fail­ure in school. I think she has a boyfriend. But, when­ever I see her she doesn’t seem like she is up­set. What should I do? Lover Boy

Lover Boy, the Is­raeli Poet Bab-Al-Bal, wrote a book called “Ac­tion speaks louder than words”! Here, you have a case both ac­tion and words. The ac­tion of block­ing you, and the words telling you that you are blocked. Peo­ple de­lib­er­ately block oth­ers on Face­book. It’s not like you are driv­ing the car re­ally fast, and you sud­denly hit a speed breaker, and by that ac­tion your lap­top falls from the seat, ac­ti­vat­ing seven con­sec­u­tive but­tons, in a cer­tain se­quence, lead­ing to some­one be­ing blocked on Face­book, as a con­se­quence. And, if she doesn’t turn into a dragon and at­tach you, upon see­ing you in per­son, doesn’t mean she likes you. It just means she’s a civ­i­lized per­son. She’s blocked you. It’s de­lib­er­ate.

I’m in love with a guy for the last three years. I was al­ways too shy to con­fess it to him. He gave me pos­i­tive signs and al­ways vouched for me, though we never talked about it. Last year, he left for the US. I some­how told him that I’ve loved him for three years. He told me po­litely that he loved some­one else. We agreed to re­main friends there­after. But, I re­alised that I was forc­ing the con­ver­sa­tion, and said a fi­nal good­bye to him. Now, I can’t stop think­ing about him. How do I restart the con­ver­sa­tion with­out look­ing like a com­plete idiot? Sag­git­tar­ian.

Three in a row? That’s a hat-trick of lovers who need to see the sign and move on. Re­mem­ber the story of Dargesh of Per­sia. Dargesh was forced to marry a girl of his par­ent’s choice, but he loved his mother’s best friend. So one night, he dis­guised him­self as own his mother and ran away with her best friend. They lived hap­pily ever af­ter for 37 years. And in that time Dargesh never once men­tioned that he wasn’t in ac­tu­al­ity his own mother. I have re­alised that Dargesh’s ex­am­ple will be lost on you. The point is that he was be­ing po­lite when he said you could con­tinue be­ing friends. He’s moved on ro­man­ti­cally and ge­o­graph­i­cally. Why fool your­self into a one-sided friend­ship, that’s go­ing nowhere?

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