‘Why fool yourself into one-sided friendship?’

A few days back, my boyfriend’s parents saw us together. Since then, he has promised them that he won’t talk to me. He means everything to me. But, now, we rarely talk. I can’t stop thinking about him, nor can he break his promise. What should we do? MM

MM, firstly this is more his problem than yours. The parents belong to him. If they belonged to you, then it becomes your problem. Parents are not like energy. They can’t be transferred from one person to another. Believe me I’ve tried. And whoever I transferred them to, returned then back to me within 24 hours and with a note attached saying “Please don’t ever transfer them again”. Tell your boyfriend to find some courage. But now after demonetisation, courage is in short supply. If he loves you, “he has to stand up to his parents, and sort things out”. He needs to be both firm and gentle. If he doesn’t he’s not worth it.

I like a girl in my college. When I first sent her a friend request on Facebook, she didn’t accept it. She did it later, but blocked me after a while. I like her very much. My friends say that she was a failure in school. I think she has a boyfriend. But, whenever I see her she doesn’t seem like she is upset. What should I do? Lover Boy

Lover Boy, the Israeli Poet Bab-Al-Bal, wrote a book called “Action speaks louder than words”! Here, you have a case both action and words. The action of blocking you, and the words telling you that you are blocked. People deliberately block others on Facebook. It’s not like you are driving the car really fast, and you suddenly hit a speed breaker, and by that action your laptop falls from the seat, activating seven consecutive buttons, in a certain sequence, leading to someone being blocked on Facebook, as a consequence. And, if she doesn’t turn into a dragon and attach you, upon seeing you in person, doesn’t mean she likes you. It just means she’s a civilized person. She’s blocked you. It’s deliberate.

I’m in love with a guy for the last three years. I was always too shy to confess it to him. He gave me positive signs and always vouched for me, though we never talked about it. Last year, he left for the US. I somehow told him that I’ve loved him for three years. He told me politely that he loved someone else. We agreed to remain friends thereafter. But, I realised that I was forcing the conversation, and said a final goodbye to him. Now, I can’t stop thinking about him. How do I restart the conversation without looking like a complete idiot? Saggittarian.

Three in a row? That’s a hat-trick of lovers who need to see the sign and move on. Remember the story of Dargesh of Persia. Dargesh was forced to marry a girl of his parent’s choice, but he loved his mother’s best friend. So one night, he disguised himself as own his mother and ran away with her best friend. They lived happily ever after for 37 years. And in that time Dargesh never once mentioned that he wasn’t in actuality his own mother. I have realised that Dargesh’s example will be lost on you. The point is that he was being polite when he said you could continue being friends. He’s moved on romantically and geographically. Why fool yourself into a one-sided friendship, that’s going nowhere?