Communicating enough?

Recently, Bollywood actor Kajol spoke about her personal life to an entertainment website. She shared how her marriage with husband Ajay Devgn has lasted for 18 years, and said, “I think it has worked only because I speak a lot and he quietly listens. So the secret to our happy married life is that Ajay doesn’t say much. And that we’re best friends.”

The philosophy could be true for many relationships. However, Suyog V Jaiswal, assistant professor in psychiatry, says, “not communicating much” is never a good thing.

“The definition of enough communication could differ from couple to couple. The general parameter for enough communication is that both partners should be available to listen to each other and find it easy to talk about what they want to in an empathetic manner. Speaking to each other improves understanding, helps people express their emotions and collective decision making, among other things, thereby contributing to a fulfilling relationship,” he says.

BEING UNHAPPY

Partner’s prolonged silence in a relationship could also be a sign of trouble, according to Jaiswal. He says, “In cases where a person doesn’t talk much with their partner, but is vocal with other people, it’s likely there is something wrong. The troubled relationship may manifest in explicit expressions of differences and arguments. Not saying much can be associated with inability to take on discussions, fear of criticism, having an overtly dominating partner or low self-esteem and confidence.”

OTHER ISSUES

One partner’s silence could also mean their point of view doesn’t matter to the other partner. Clinical psychologist Tanushree Bhargava says, “If the opinions of the partner weren’t acknowledged right from the beginning of the relationship, they may prefer to remain silent forever.”

Another reason could be a lack of interest. Bhargava says, “It depends on circumstances. If a person was chirpy, talkative and expressive earlier and has abruptly become silent, this can be because of a lack of interest. Fear of arguments, criticism, being ignored or judged, being occupied with other stressful issues or apathy towards the partner and the relationship could also be reasons for silence.”

According to Bhargava, if you feel that your partner’s silence is hurting your relationship, work towards fixing it. She says, “Take the lead to improve the bond in the relationship. However, one should consider the fact that some people are silent by nature and don’t talk much. So, don’t start pushing too much.”

The secret to our happy married life is that Ajay [Devgn] doesn’t say much. It has worked because I speak a lot and he quietly listens KAJOL, BOLLYWOOD ACTOR

Kajol and Ajay Devgn