Fights with in-laws, fact or myth

Stories of fights between in-laws and newly married women are so widespread in our society and in soap operas that it has become more or less a stereotype that a woman will never get along with her in-laws or vice versa. But it seems such stories may affect what people look for in their potential partners. According to a recent survey by a famous marriage portal, nearly 36% of the 6,800 women, who were polled, said they would ask their potential husbands if they would continue to live in a joint family or move out to form a nuclear one.

The results of the survey leads one to ask why would someone be so cautious as far as staying with a partner’s family member is concerned. According to clinical psychologist, Tanushree Bhargava, one of the reasons could be a fear of restrictions. “Living in a joint family setup can lead to interference by the in-laws or other family members in a woman’s life. This means facing limitations. In joint families, there is less freedom for a woman,” she says. She adds that women have grown independent and prefer living on their own terms, which they may not be able to do freely in a joint family.

Bhargava says that another reason could be the fact that in many Indian families, women aren’t treated the same way as men, and there is a fear that this could happen in their husband’s house as well. She says, “The trend of women being cautious as far as their partner’s family members are concerned will continue until our society changes its behaviour towards women.”

Women could also be worried as many Indian men stay with their parents even after they get married.

Relationship counsellor Vishnu Modi says, “Many men are used to staying with their families. Even after marriage, they want to continue with the arrangement. They don’t realise that their decision to stay with their family members can be inconvenient for their wives. Marriage is a two-way ticket, and both partners should think about what’s good for each other.”

There may be problems like inadequate finances that may make a man not want to move out post marriage. Modi says that in such cases, it’s up to both people to make sure that things don’t take an ugly turn.

“First, a man should make sure that he helps build bridges between his wife and his family members post a marriage. This applies to both the partners, be it man or woman irrespective of whether a woman lives in a joint or nuclear family,” he says.

PHOTO: SHUTTERSTOCK