Meet the par­ents...

Re­cently Lady Gaga’s boyfriend Chris­tian Carino asked Gaga’s par­ents’ per­mis­sion to marry her. We find out from ex­perts if be­ing tra­di­tional is the new cool

Hindustan Times (Patna) - Live - - HT City | Lifestyle - Collin Ro­drigues collin.ro­drigues@hin­dus­tan­times.com

Ear­lier in the year, it was re­ported that the ‘Bad ro­mance’ singer Lady Gaga is dat­ing celebrity agent Chris­tian Carino. The lat­est up­date is that the duo is al­ready plan­ning to get en­gaged. Ap­par­ently, Lady Gaga flew her par­ents over for the July 4 (Amer­i­can In­de­pen­dence Day) weekend. Her boyfriend was also part of the get-to­gether. Gaga also wanted to make sure her boyfriend and her par­ents got to know each other well. But, then, while the whole fam­ily was talk­ing, Chris­tian is said to have asked Gaga’s fa­ther Joe Ger­man­otta for his bless­ing to ask for Lady Gaga’s hand in mar­riage. And Ger­man­otta gave Carino his bless­ing to marry Gaga. Al­most all the news out­lets that re­ported the de­vel­op­ment, panned Carino for his move. Some ques­tioned if Carino is old fash­ioned and lived in the 16th cen­tury.

TRA­DI­TIONAL ROUTE

So, why was this (ask­ing a fa­ther the hand of his girl in mar­riage) such a big deal? Is such a thing passé or it’s be­com­ing cool again to ask a part­ner’s par­ents per­mis­sion for mar­riage? Kavita Mungi, men­tal health coun­selor sug­gests that the youth of to­day wouldn’t re­ally do that. She says, “In­stead of ask­ing their part­ner’s par­ents, peo­ple to­day would surely in­form them and in­clude them in their jour­ney from dat­ing to en­gage­ment to mar­riage. It’s a well-known fact that most par­ents these days are broad minded and open to in­ter­caste, in­ter-cul­ture and in­ter­na­tional ac­cep­tance of a part­ner for their chil­dren. Ow­ing to this open vi­sion, peo­ple feel con­fi­dent about bring­ing their po­ten­tial part­ner home.”

PARENTAL AD­VICE

So, with chang­ing times and chang­ing of peo­ple’s mind­sets should par­ents re­ally have a say in a child’s mar­riage these days con­sid­er­ing he or she is a grown up adult? Mungi says that par­ents’ ex­pe­ri­ence def­i­nitely helps in a mar­riage. She rea­sons, “Par­ents have the ex­pe­ri­ence and ma­tu­rity that comes with age on their side. They also know their chil­dren well. So, they can help them take a wise de­ci­sion when it comes to se­lect­ing a part­ner if it is an ar­ranged mar­riage sit­u­a­tion. In a love mar­riage, it is best the par­ents ac­cept the choice of their off­spring and keep the re­la­tions with that per­son cor­dial. Even if there is dis­agree­ment, the par­ents should warn the child about the pit­falls and then let them work it out.”

At the same time, par­ents could also re­ject your choice out­right for rea­sons only known to them. So, what should you do in such a sce­nario? Mungi says, “In such in­stances, it is best that the per­son gives reg­u­lar hints to their par­ents by in­tro­duc­ing the part­ner first to them, and then slowly declar­ing your love for the per­son. Help them un­der­stand the love and re­spect you have for your part­ner and the need for their ac­cep­tance as a ne­ces­sity for the mar­riage. An­other way to help par­ents come around is to help both fam­i­lies con­nect in order to un­der­stand each other’s val­ues, cus­toms, re­li­gion or cul­ture. Find a sup­porter within the fam­ily who is closer to your par­ent’s age, who can speak to them. In case of strong ob­jec­tions from the par­ents make sure you keep calm, an­tic­i­pate their con­cerns and keep valid counter ar­gu­ments ready.”

Your part­ner can also be of help in such a sit­u­a­tion. Psy­chi­a­trist Rid­dhish K Maru says, “As a first step, your part­ner should build a good rap­port with their fu­ture in-laws. Many peo­ple ig­nore this as­pect. She or he should visit a part­ner’s home dur­ing fes­ti­vals, shower the part­ner’s par­ents with com­pli­ments if they de­serve. Such be­hav­iour cre­ates a pos­i­tive im­age. But, don’t do this only to get the nod for mar­riage. It should be gen­uine and con­tinue post mar­riage. ”

Par­ents can help them take a wise de­ci­sion when it comes to se­lect­ing a part­ner if it is an ar­ranged mar­riage sit­u­a­tion. KAVITA MUNGI, MEN­TAL HEALTH COUN­SEL­LOR

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Lady Gaga

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