Meet the parents...
Recently Lady Gaga’s boyfriend Christian Carino asked Gaga’s parents’ permission to marry her. We find out from experts if being traditional is the new cool
Earlier in the year, it was reported that the ‘Bad romance’ singer Lady Gaga is dating celebrity agent Christian Carino. The latest update is that the duo is already planning to get engaged. Apparently, Lady Gaga flew her parents over for the July 4 (American Independence Day) weekend. Her boyfriend was also part of the get-together. Gaga also wanted to make sure her boyfriend and her parents got to know each other well. But, then, while the whole family was talking, Christian is said to have asked Gaga’s father Joe Germanotta for his blessing to ask for Lady Gaga’s hand in marriage. And Germanotta gave Carino his blessing to marry Gaga. Almost all the news outlets that reported the development, panned Carino for his move. Some questioned if Carino is old fashioned and lived in the 16th century.
So, why was this (asking a father the hand of his girl in marriage) such a big deal? Is such a thing passé or it’s becoming cool again to ask a partner’s parents permission for marriage? Kavita Mungi, mental health counselor suggests that the youth of today wouldn’t really do that. She says, “Instead of asking their partner’s parents, people today would surely inform them and include them in their journey from dating to engagement to marriage. It’s a well-known fact that most parents these days are broad minded and open to intercaste, inter-culture and international acceptance of a partner for their children. Owing to this open vision, people feel confident about bringing their potential partner home.”
So, with changing times and changing of people’s mindsets should parents really have a say in a child’s marriage these days considering he or she is a grown up adult? Mungi says that parents’ experience definitely helps in a marriage. She reasons, “Parents have the experience and maturity that comes with age on their side. They also know their children well. So, they can help them take a wise decision when it comes to selecting a partner if it is an arranged marriage situation. In a love marriage, it is best the parents accept the choice of their offspring and keep the relations with that person cordial. Even if there is disagreement, the parents should warn the child about the pitfalls and then let them work it out.”
At the same time, parents could also reject your choice outright for reasons only known to them. So, what should you do in such a scenario? Mungi says, “In such instances, it is best that the person gives regular hints to their parents by introducing the partner first to them, and then slowly declaring your love for the person. Help them understand the love and respect you have for your partner and the need for their acceptance as a necessity for the marriage. Another way to help parents come around is to help both families connect in order to understand each other’s values, customs, religion or culture. Find a supporter within the family who is closer to your parent’s age, who can speak to them. In case of strong objections from the parents make sure you keep calm, anticipate their concerns and keep valid counter arguments ready.”
Your partner can also be of help in such a situation. Psychiatrist Riddhish K Maru says, “As a first step, your partner should build a good rapport with their future in-laws. Many people ignore this aspect. She or he should visit a partner’s home during festivals, shower the partner’s parents with compliments if they deserve. Such behaviour creates a positive image. But, don’t do this only to get the nod for marriage. It should be genuine and continue post marriage. ”
Parents can help them take a wise decision when it comes to selecting a partner if it is an arranged marriage situation. KAVITA MUNGI, MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELLOR