‘Why be Mr Goody Two-Shoes? Back off and let him swim at his own risk’

Last year, while coming to Mumbai by train from a different city, I met a married woman. After reaching the city, she came directly to my house, and we had sex; my wife was at work. In January this year, she gave birth to a son. She says I am his father. Now, I want to divorce my wife and marry her. But she isn’t willing to divorce her husband and marry me. What should I do?

JD JD, are you part of a Hindi film from the 70’s. If so, are you wearing a purple and white polka dot shirt, with a thick-waisted black pant? I say this because your story sounds like a plot from that era. I can’t remember who the main actors are, but Nirupa Roy is definitely playing the role of somebody’s mother. Honestly, all your other points are inconsequential if she doesn’t want to leave her husband. He maybe your son and you may want to leave your family for the woman, but, and this is a big but (no pun intended), if she doesn’t want to break up her family, then that’s that! Try reasoning with her, but remember since you’re in an unconventional situation, things may not align themselves to suit you alone.

My friend, who works on a cruise ship, started dating a girl about eight years back. In these years, this girl has had many flings and told him that she isn’t interested in him. But he refuses to believe that she has had flings and is hopeful that she will change her mind. How can I help him? Amar Amar, what a wonderful friend you are to care so much about your friend’s situation. Cruise ships can be dangerous... for romance. I know a guy who was on a ship for a few years, He landed with 14 girlfriends, and 27 paternity suits. By the way how do you know she had so many flings? And were you one of them? My brother Amar, Emperor Zhang De of the Tang Dynasty felt that his wife had been unfaithful to him with one of his horses. He promptly replaced his wife with the horse. This brought the Tang dynasty to an end. As the horse was unable to produce any progeny and so no little Tangs were born. Your friend doesn’t need to find a horse, but it’s best if he finds the truth on his own. Why do you have to be Mr Goody TwoShoes? Back off and let him swim in the ocean at his own risk. Thank you. My girlfriend is very openminded and often goes on outings with my guy friends, though after informing me. She refuses to take me on these outings. Do you think something is wrong here? DS Yes, there is good news and bad news. DS, the good news is that yes there is something wrong. The bad news is there is something wrong with you. How can you allow yourself to be treated worse than Greg Chapell treated Saurav Ganguly? Actually it’s hilarious. She goes out with other guys and tells you not to come? The Germans have a phrase for this; it’s called “having your cake and eating anything else you want from the bakery without paying for it” (It sounds much better in German). I mean, would she allow you to date other girls and exclude her? In your cranium area, there must be part of a brain. Please use it to understand that your girlfriend is being blatantly unfair. I have been dating a guy for two years. Guys often come and propose to me in college. I am unable to deal with these proposals and my boyfriend isn’t interested in helping me out. How do you think should I deal with these proposals? RR This isn’t a huge issue. You just need the right repartee. If it was happening to me (and I don’t even like guys) I would use one of these lines: a) I have Herpes b) I have scabies c) Please talk to my parents about your feelings first

You can come up with similar excuses ranging from Í hate you, you are too short .... I’ve got body odour... It’s like dealing with a cockroach. Be quick and decisive or the cockroach starts to think you are his pet. Don’t dillydally and give them hope. Knock them down swiftly and firmly.