OUT OF LOVE?

Hollywood couple Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum announcing their split a few days back, we find out why couples go their separate ways, and how to keep the spark alive

Earlier this month, Hollywood actors Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum announced that they had decided to “lovingly separate as a couple” after nine years of marriage. The couple broke the news in a joint Twitter post, adding that there are “no salacious details behind the split”. They have also, reportedly, said that “they are the best of friends who have decided that their relationship has run its course”.

Psychiatrist Alpes Panchal explains that falling in love and out of it is like a chemical reaction in the brain. He says, “If one has a surge of dopamine when they’re around someone, they’re going to feel that they’re in love. When the surge decreases over a few days, months or years, people have the subjective feeling of falling out of love. In reality, falling out of love is nothing but a sense of rational realisation of incompatibility with your partner after the dopamine has worn out in your brain. Love is not a very objective thing. It is subject to different experience in different cultures, at different ages and in different eras.”

According to experts, routine stereotypes, alternative priorities and attention-seeking behaviour also contribute to disasters in a relationship. Psychiatrist Fabian Almeida says, “When there are small, subtle differences that are gradually getting worse, but are being ignored for reasons like paucity of time or increasing insensitivity, the relationship bears the brunt of it all.”

WATCH OUT

Experts say that “people with plastic smiles and pseudo allis-well attitudes fail to see the red flags of a break-up”. In Almeida’s words, there are many signs to look out for. He says, “Increased irritability and low tolerance towards each other’s behaviour, increased frequency of not being able to honour commitments, no longer sharing the simple joys of life or the despair that comes through from life, decreasing emotional, sexual and interpersonal intimacy and obvious detachment need to be looked into.”

Talking about the world today, Panchal feels that loss of respect for your partner is also something that needs to be addressed. He says, “If one partner feels that he or she is not respected and taken for granted, it could lead to bigger issues such as extramarital affairs that can cause separation, sexual frustration, and the like.”

REKINDLE THE SPARK FROM TIME TO TIME

Keeping the interest alive in a relationship is very important. And that’s why it’s important to be good friends in a relationship. Panchal shares, “Being friends with your partner means accepting his or her rights and wrongs, listening to problems and respecting their space. The common misconception that sex is what keeps the spark alive might not be true in all cases. But, being friends definitely works.”

It is also important for couples to indulge in things that are special to each other. Almeida says, “Every relationship requires generous sprinkling of time. A constant effort to change the partner’s habits should be replaced by introspection. Discussing problems freely and frankly — when they are minor — can save damage to the heart. Taking professional help after accepting the problem areas in a relationship can help further. You don’t only need birthdays and anniversaries to celebrate. Spontaneo celebrations, however simple they may be, definitely work towards stabilising the relationship.”

Being friends with your partner means accepting his or her rights and wrongs, listening to problems and respecting their space. DR ALPES PANCHAL, PSYCHIATRIST

PHOTO: GETTYIMAGES Channing Tatum and Jenna DewanTatum