UNCOMFORTABLE? SAY IT

In the wake of the #MeToo movement, experts throw light on understanding consent and where to draw the line at one’s workplace even if you have genuine feelings

Workplace harassment and bullying is a common occurrence. So, it is important that one understands the definition of harassment for any action to be taken. Anyone pressurising you, asking you for a favour in return of any kind of legitimate work, invading your personal space when you have not consented, or if you feel uncomfortable even after you have consented, would all amount to harassment.

Sonali Tanksale, psychologist, says sexual harassment thrives on silence of the one harassed. She says, “There are no limits or standards as to what constitutes a sufficient level of sexual harassment. Anything that makes you uncomfortable or invades your personal space without your consent is harassment. It is in your best interest to report such an incident immediately.”

One can also raise an alarm. But, when you do it is also important. Lakshmi Murthy, chief people officer for a group of institutions, says, “We need to understand when to raise an alarm. The first thing one should do is to inform a family member who understands workplace realities and is a close friend. Once a senior violates the relationship; you should raise an alarm through the organisation’s protocol if there is one, which is generally through the HR.”

DEALING WITH IT

Often, people who raise an alarm are judged for saying it out loud and labelled as aggressive and overconfident. Dr Kanan Khatau Chikhal, psychiatrist, says that one should use tact and diplomacy. He says, “Approach it with a professional tone and keep your language neutral and non-judgmental. When an aggressor (persistent senior) feels attacked, he/she will stop listening and go into a defensive mode. This person can go into denial mode as well and be vengeful later, which you desire.”

According to experts, one should also be clear, direct and to the point, because sometimes the content of what you want to say gets diluted if emotions run high. Ritika S Aggarwal, consultant psychologist, says that one should be clear when you say no. She says, “Do not leave anything open to misinterpretation. Document the incident, which may include witnesses, who may have been present at the time of the harassment, as this may be required if you find the need to go up the chain of command. If you’re not comfortable being alone with a senior, try speaking to the HR or having a friend with you in meetings. And, request for doors to be kept open while inside your senior’s cabin. Make sure someone you trust knows where you are at all times.”

MAKING YOUR CONSENT CLEAR

It’s important that your tone is firm; one shouldn’t sound scared or nervous while saying no. Aggarwal says that if you find yourself unsure or shaky, take a few deep breaths to calm yourself and then speak. She says, “Don’t giggle or keep quiet as it may be misinterpreted as you being acquiescent to the act. Don’t be shamed into keeping quiet. Say it loudly if required, so that the point gets across. Do remember, some people tend to be a little thick-skinned. You don’t need to explain yourself about why something makes you uncomfortable; it just does and it’s your prerogative to decide.”

TAKING A CALL

According to Aggarwal, your first task should be to ascertain if your complaint meets the criteria for sexual harassment. She says, “Ask yourself the following questions. Were you offended/ uncomfortable? Was it unwelcome? Was it pervasive or serious? Could the person have meant it as a compliment? Remember to take into account your existing relationship with the person. For example, if a colleague you’re not friendly with behaves the same way as your close friend does, it could make you uncomfortable. This meets the criteria of harassment. Thus, situations can be difficult to assess and people can differ in their opinion on what counts as harassment.”

SONALI TANKSALE PSYCHOLOGIST

Anything that makes you uncomfortable or invades your personal space without your consent is harassment. It is in your best interest to report such an incident immediately.

PHOTOS: ISTOCK According to experts, one should also be clear, direct and to the point, because sometimes the content of what you want to say gets diluted if emotions run high