Honesty is not the best policy

I like a girl who works with me. We are friends. How do I know if she is interested in me? She keeps telling me that she misses me and I tell her my feelings too. She wants me to talk to her, share my personal things with her. Should I take one step forward or should I wait till things get more clear?

— AG

AG, the same thing happened with Mongol warlord Genghis Khan. A girl who used to ride in battles with him, became his 16th wife. However, as Genghis failed to mention this to his first 15 wives, they assumed she was an intruder in the tent, and cut off all her toes and replaced them with Porcupine quills. These are the perils of dating in the workplace. This is true of today’s workplace as well. By the way, she’s clearly interested in you. If she says she misses you and wants to talk about ‘feelings’, you can be dead certain, she likes you. It’s what separates us men from women ‘Feelings’ and hair in the armpits. Women love to talk about ‘feelings’, most men, on the other hand, have never heard of this, (‘feelings’) before. You don’t need clarity, you both are well on your way to be an official couple. Once again though, let me warn you of the perils of dating in the workplace. I don’t want your fair lady to land up like Mrs Genghis Khan the 16th.

I liked a girl for the past one year, and I told her about it. But she didn’t seem much interested at that time. However, a few months later, something brought us together and she said that my presence matters to her. But from the next day, she started giving very dry responses. I felt that the reason was maybe the way I spoke to her —I sounded very foolish and desperate. How do I know what she feels for me? What should I do? — AS

AS, to put it in a nutshell, (and please bear in mind I’ve never put anything in a nutshell), she said nice things to you, perhaps using phrases like ‘good boy’, ‘nice person’, ‘gentlemen Raju’, and you replied with ‘I love you or I loves you!’ In mathematical terms she reached No. 4, and you replied with number 1,857! AS, you overreached yourself. You shot your gun too fast and too far. Obviously, you scared her off. How many times have I told you that, ‘honesty’ is not the best policy. I mean, which life insurance plan today even mentions honesty, er honestly? You have to first back off and then backtrack. Sort of apologise for your outburst, and try to normalise things to what they were, Give her a little space and time, though. She’ll feel suffocated if you carry on. Shrug off the ‘love shove’ stuff and just be friends again. You have to go back to go forward.

I have a friend and she always flirts with me and told me that she has moved on from her past relationship. But a few days back, she told me that she is still not over her ex. I really love her and don’t want to lose her. What should I do? — AD

AD, the Croatian lawmaker, Ivan Vodric, came up with a theory that ‘what you say implies you mean the exact opposite’. For instance, if you say the sun is up it’s because you know the sun is actually down, at the time. In fact, when Ivan was sentenced to death for war crimes, by a war tribunal, he actually laughed. This is because according to his own theory, a death sentence meant guaranteed life. So, imagine his surprise, when the rope choked the life out of him. So when the girl has to habitually mention she’s over her ex, it’s because she means quite the opposite, and is still pining for her old boyfriend. AD, I suggest, avoid talking about this ex. She’s living in the past, you need to lure her into future. There is no quick fix. Although they are working on a vaccination to help one get over ex-flames, but that will still take a while. In the meantime, chat with her, engage her mind, find common things to do together. Slowly she’ll understand that her life is you and the present.

I am 18 years old. I still don’t have a girlfriend. I have tried talking to a few girls, but they don’t show any interest in me. I am an introvert. I am worried whether any girl, who I like, will ever like me back. What should I do? — DG

Terrible philosophy, DG bhai. I feel very bad for you. Your male role models have to be blamed. What do you mean girls don’t show any interest in you? Let me explain, girls show interest in you if you are as good looking as John Abraham, or if you have something peculiar on your face like a third nostril, or only one earlobe. The point is, you need to find something interesting about yourself. If you don’t find yourself interesting, it’s tough for others to do the same. Are you super intelligent, funny, charming, naughty, do you like dressing in female clothing? Is female clothing a sexist term? Find an interesting part, preferably one that is actually you. I’m not against making things up, but that might be a tough act to follow. My friend Haresh just used to keep changing his hairstyles. Women just loved that about him. Sadly, he lost all his hair in three months after he got married. But that’s a different story. So DG bhai, find the DG in you.

PHOTO: SHUTTERSTOCK