HOW TO KNOW YOU’RE BEING GASLIGHTED?

As Merriam-Webster chooses ‘gaslighting’ as its word of the year, we explore what the term might imply in the context of romantic relationships

In the 1930s, the British author Patrick Hamilton wrote the play Gas Light, introducing the term to the world for the first time. Fast forward to the 2020s — as searches on its website for the word spiked by 1,740% in 2022, Merriam-Webster, America’s oldest dictionary publisher, chose ‘gaslighting’ as its word of the year. Gaslighting refers to psychological manipulation in which a person attempts to make a victim question their own reality and gain power over them.

“Any individual is prone to gaslighting and it is quite a common tactic of dictators, abusers, narcissists and cult leaders. It is done steadily, so the victim actually never realises how heavily they have been brainwashed,” explains relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo. Talking about the cases she received of couples complaining about being gaslighted, Sadhoo says, “While counselling couples, I have come across cases of gaslighting, and noticed them using this word often. It might be the word of the year, but it has existed for a long time.”

Clinical psychologist Gunjan Ryder says, “Such cases always come to our notice while handling couples. Mostly, it’s the women partner(s) who are being gaslighted. Over time, they become quite anxious and diffident.”

Signs to look out for Blatant lies

You will know something is a blatant lie, yet they will tell it to you with a straight face. Since they are setting up a precedent, they will go on lying to you without any remorse.

Outright denial

You know that moment when they have said something but they deny saying it altogether? It makes you doubt yourself even more. The more they do it, the more you start doubting yourself.

You get worn down

Gaslighting is done slowly and over time. A lie here and there, a snide comment and then it starts to ramp up. Even the smartest, most self-aware individuals can get sucked into gaslighting.

Using those close to you

They know how important your parents, kids or friends are to you. Hence, these might be one of the first things they attack. They will point out that you will be a worthy person if only you did not have a long list of negative traits.

Words and actions differ

Whatever they say often mean nothing. They tell you that everyone you know is a liar. Repeatedly telling you that is a trick to make you doubt yourself.

Some of the most common giveaways that you’re being gaslighted in a relationship is if you’re always in doubt about your feelings, frequently getting blamed for problems in one way or the other, or feeling unsure of one’s confidence and decision-making abilities.