Love is still in the air: Tips for dating in the pandemic

Find the right app, keep it light, plan ahead to fill the silences. Most vitally, don’t lose hope

Iconducted a group coaching session recently, on dating during the pandemic. It was for an organisation with a large number of single employees. Progressive and sensitive in their approach, the leadership had conducted a quick poll on what these employees were seeking. Their mandate to me was clear: Offer instruction on how to date in these difficult times, and how to keep confidence up while doing so.

Close to a hundred attendees signed up, a healthy mix of men and women. We started with the basics of how to use dating apps. The first thing I always suggest is to find the app that works best for you. A great way to figure that out is to try out a few apps for one week each. If you like about 50% of the profiles you come across, I’d say it’s worth investing more time in that app.

The right dating app should also allow you to start conversations easily. It’s important to craft those first steps right. How you frame your first text message has a big role in determining the response. A Floh Single in the City Survey for 2020 revealed that text messages that indicate you have read a person’s profile and include a question about one of the things mentioned in it, have a 90% chance of getting a response. For example, if you see an interesting profile where the person has stated that they are into running, a message like this would work very well: “Hi (name), I’ve been meaning to start running and it’s great to see that you run regularly. Any recommendations for off-the-beatenpath tracks around the city?”

Once you have some banter going with the person, make the suggestion to shift the conversation to audio or video. Many apps offer this facility. In these times, I encourage my clients to think of a video chat as a real date. Dress well, make sure you are sitting in a place with good lighting (yellow light is always more appealing than white).

If you’re using Zoom, pick a background from among those they offer, or ensure there is something of interest in your real background at home. It tells the other person something about you, and is a great conversation-starter.

Have a cup of coffee, tea or juice you can sip on through the date. It’s a simple and effective way to cover nervousness or awkward silences. Video dates tend to be more focused since there are none of the ambient distractions you’d have in, say, a restaurant. So you need to prepare for how you will fill that time too. I’d suggest playing a game, either an online board game like Scrabble or a simple ‘5 questions’ one about each other’s interests. This helps ease the initial awkwardness of a first video date with a stranger.

At the recent group coaching session, we ended with a discussion of how to keep confidence up while dating online.

There are a few ways to manage the covert and overt rejections that come with using a dating app (and these rejections are universal; I don’t believe there’s a user out there who hasn’t had their share).

To keep your confidence levels steady, avoid anchoring yourself to one person. Talk to at least a few people at a time. Keep things light until at least the first offline meeting. And watch out for phantom relationships. Until you meet the person in real life, you are not in a real relationship with them. Finally, for your own sanity (and the other person’s), avoid contacting the same unresponsive person on different apps or platforms.

We are in the midst of a pandemic and things are hard, but the search for a partner need not stop. The early steps are more difficult. The pace is much slower too. But it might help to remember that millions of others are in the same situation. You may be single, but you are definitely not alone. And there’s someone out there for you. You just have to find the right where, and then, of course, the right who.