‘My whole life has been project after project’
Dolly Thakore has worked in radio, television, advertising, theatre, film, and public relations. Here, she talks about her memoir, Regrets, None; about Vipassana; and about staging The Vagina Monologues
You open the book by saying, “I admit to resentments. But I have no regrets. None.” While writing, did you find yourself thinking about what people in your life might find uncomfortable or upsetting? No way! Too bad if they are nervous about the choices that they have made! This is my book, my story, my reality. I am not bothered about their reactions. They must worry about the things that embarrass them, and what they wish to hide. My life is an open book, and I want it to be that way. I am not ashamed. Why should I be? Like I say in the note at the very beginning, “I wrote this memoir for my son, Quasar, so that he may understand.” If I don’t feel the need to hide things from my son, why should I care about anyone else?
You’ve written about your experience as a single mother. Would you say that attitudes towards single mothers have changed?
I have no objective way of answering this in terms of data and statistics, but I know that today’s women are confident, smart, and entirely capable of excelling in their career and raising a child even if there is no husband or partner by their side. A young woman that I met at the Jaipur Literature Festival told me that my book struck a chord with her because she is a single mother.I left her with one piece of advice: “To hell with your parents. It’s your life, and your child.” This is exactly what I tell all young mothers. They just need to ask themselves, “What do I want?” The answer to that holds the key to their freedom and their happiness.
Your book was released around the same time as books by and about some of your contemporaries... Kabir Bedi’s book Stories I Must Tell and Ritu Menon’s book Zohra! Strange, isn’t it?
Yes, quite strange! None of us got together and planned to bring out these books simultaneously. I learnt about Ritu’s book only when she got in touch with me to ask about my association with Zohra Apa. It was just serendipity. That’s how life is, isn’t it?
Protima Bedi, Kabir Bedi’s ex-wife, was an importance presence in your life. You write about how she inspired you to sign up for a 10-day Vipassana meditation course...
Protima was my best friend. She was one of those experimenters who had done everything in life. When she heard the news that her son Siddharth had died by suicide, I was with her. She was completely heartbroken, but she knew how to put herself together. Siddharth was just 23, and he died in Los Angeles. I went to see Protima off at the airport. She was surrounded by people trying to offer their condolences. She must have been overwhelmed. I saw what she was doing. She would close her eyes for a few moments, take a deep breath, and then be fine and talk in a normal voice.
I decided then that I would attend a Vipassana course if it would make me like that. The course was truly the most wonderful thing that happened to me. I don’t sit and meditate at home. It’s not part of my lifestyle. But I am very grateful that I did it at the right time.
Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru too is in your book. Tell us how he found a special place in your heart.
Oh, he was an idol! Not just my idol; he was an idol for so many people. I am of a generation that saw India’s independence right in front of our eyes. Nehru was a good-looking man, so I had a crush on him. Gandhi wasn’t, so I didn’t have a crush on him.
Among current politicians, is there anyone that you find attractive?
Certainly not!
Are you still performing The Vagina Monologues across India?
Yes, I love that play. Eve Ensler wrote it; Mahabanoo Mody-Kotwal and I brought it to India. We started in 2003, and it has been going on non-stop. Mahabanoo and I realised that two old women talking about their vaginas wasn’t going to be very attractive to audiences, so we got two young women to join us, Avantika Akerkar and Jayati Bhatia. It has been so well-received. We have had people at Prithvi Theatre in Mumbai come and touch our feet, young couples announcing their engagements and wedding anniversaries, cutting cakes with us.
The Mumbai police have invited us to perform for 600 policewomen. The police commissioner organised a show for us in Dharavi in Hindi. We have even had Catholic nuns and priests come to our shows.
Once The Vagina Monologues became popular, a play called Penis Dialogues was staged in response. It didn’t last very long. Why do you think that was?
That’s right! Alyque (Padamsee) wrote it. It was meant to be a rejoinder. He thought that it would also win a great deal of support, but it didn’t. I saw it twice, in fact. The script was not as exciting as The Vagina Monologues. Also, I guess the men were not interested in knowing or talking about their penises. The women were interested in talking about vaginas.
What are the other projects you are working on?
My whole life has been project after project. If I like one that comes my way, I will do it. Recently, I did a bit role in Farhad Samji’s film Bachchan Pandey. I play a reporter. It was a two-day job. It didn’t ask for much. I had fun. I have fun everywhere I go.