Follow the philosophy, Give a little to get a little

My boyfriend says that in India loving each other is not enough to get married; there are many conditions from family members. He says we don’t have a future. How can I make him change his mind? NK, Napoleon invaded Russia. After two days his toe froze completely, so much so that his two feet suck together, and made one foot. This made it impossible to mount a horse. So he used this as an excuse to leave Russia and head back. Unfortunately, he was losing an old map of the world, so he landed up near Moscow, instead of Paris. The point here is that he is making lots of excuses. And that’s exactly what your “Napoleonic”, boyfriend is doing. He wants to appear as a good guy, and blame family and other factors for his disinclination to marriage. If he loved you, nothing would stop him.

Six months back, I met a girl and we started chatting. After a month, she proposed to me. But, I didn’t accept it. Later, I proposed to her and she rejected it. Now, she wants to talk to me. Please help. HP

HP, first and foremost, the only people who should be chatting all night are watchmen. And that’s because that is their job, they need to stay awake. You guys are involved in the world’s third most popular game, (after Pokémon go and nose digging), the game of proposal-tag. First she proposed, then you. All that is fine and in the past. The score is one all, and you need tie-breakers. The fact that she says she doesn’t want to lose you is a very positive sign. It’s her way of trying to connect, I say you propose again. If she says no, just wait for her to propose to you again, thereafter. But please say ‘yes’ this time. Proposal Tag can’t be played forever.

I’m getting married in November. It's a love marriage but I’m not ready for it. He doesn't have any time for me. I have a strong feeling that nobody loves me, not even my parents. The situation is getting worse every day. I’ve no one to share this. Please help. Maaya

Maaya, (what a lovely name, and I’m not just saying that because you are named after my daughter). Tell me Maaya, what kind of love marriage involves no commitment from you. That’s like Katrina Kaif agreeing to do a film, but insisting she only does face makeup, and does nothing for her hair. I mean Katrina is all about her hair. Marriage is all about commitment. And also the hair initially. Stop feeling so unloved. Even if what you are saying is sort of correct, let’s take positive correction. Why not show more interest in the people around you. Create time with your boyfriend, even if it means doing things he likes. (And no he hasn’t written before and asked me to suggest this). Same with parents, as Premchand told his Dobhi, “Give a little to get a little”. Show interest and you’ll be amazed how interest gets shown in you. And please talk about your feelings. Let them out, and live a little.

I’ve developed strong feelings for a guy who is my senior in college. My friend got a chance to talk to him and found out that he is in a casual relationship. He knows how I feel about him, but says his dreams and ambitions are his priority and they are preventing him from any kind of serious commitment. I understand, but it's extremely hard to move on. Please help. Anonymous

We all have been in this love struck position. At least your feelings are for a guy. Mine was for a hamburger. A hamburger, somebody else subsequently ate. It may feel like unbearable, but time changes things. If you look at your wrinkling, and bleeding gums all are amount to the change. And, I haven’t even reached the male relatives yet. If he knows how you feel about him, and is dodging you, I think that tells you everything. However, all this is through a third party, why not get a more straight answer from the horse’s mouth. Chat with him, as we say in Punjabi, “Have friendship with him”, and see how it goes?