‘Get into a firm jokey relationship; enjoy yourself’

I’ve never been in a relationship and I have no plans of being in one. I think that relationships today are a joke. When I shared my views with my friends, they laughed and said that the reason for my beliefs is that I’m not able to get into any relationship. Am I going down the right path in life? An old school guy I’m a huge fan of Old School. In Mumbai, all Old Schools are on the main roads, and cause awful traffic jams. And when education leads to confusion, you know you are on right path. Let me assure that relationships are a joke. Life itself is a joke. The only joke that’s not a joke occasionally is an actual joke! But instead of arguing the point, I ask you sir, “What’s wrong with relationships being a joke? It’s a great attitude, you don’t take it too seriously, still have fun, and in the end no one gets hurt as it’s just a joke”. I say run with your philosophy. Get into a firm jokey relationship, and enjoy yourself. You want to know what’s not a joke? TAX!

Because of interference from my family, I had to stop talking to my girlfriend of a few months. We aren’t in a relationship anymore. She says she isn’t dating anyone, but at the same time tries to run away from me. I love her and want her back. DK, when the continental shift happened, (you must have been very young then), Africa tore away from Asia, and Europe moved away from America, and if I’m not mistaken North Korea moved away from South Korea. It’s very tough for any of these places to get together again, especially in the second half of the year. You stopped talking to her. So as the Ukrainian saying goes “the hair is on your scalp|. You pulled out, now you need to work on getting her back. Firstly you have to convince her that your family won’t interfere again. This can be done by getting your family to shoot a music video for her, in full costume like a musical apology. I suggest ‘Kajra Re’. But you could go with Pyaar Kiya toh darna kya?

I have not met my boyfriend since the last three months because we are in a long distance relationship. We only talk on Facebook. Now, the chats have got boring because we talk about the same things. There is nothing new to say. What should I do to bring the excitement back in our relationship? CB, this is not a good sign. Just like the finger a taxi driver flashed at me for cutting into his lane. That was a terrible sign. Running out of communication, means one of you is oxygen depleted, or is getting bored. If you are climbing a Himalaya whilst chatting, you could be oxygen depleted. But most likely boredom is setting in. CB, this is when you need to find common interests too, chat about, I suggest one of the following (a) female body building, (b) people you hate, (c) birds of prey, and (d) list of people you’d like to run over.

I am in love with a girl for the past eight years. I proposed to her six years back and she was very angry. We are still good friends. I don’t want to lose her friendship. Should I propose to her again? Firstly, please do not propose to her again. Just to emphasise my point, so we are, perfectly clear, I’m going to write ‘do not’, seven more times. Do not, Do not, Do not, Do not, Do not, Do not, Do not, propose to her. She has to first accept you as normal again. It’s like building a business. Go slow. Make her acquaintance show no more interest in her, then you show for others. Get her to feel comfortable around you. Then write to me again.