A CALMER YOU

Hello there. Kya aap kisi ko ek hi baat repeat karte karte sun ke pak chuke hain? Kya aap apni baat ka cheenti jitna bhi asar na hota dekh kar thak chuke hain? Give me a full-ofdepression high-five and join an asylum. Because I might have to, very soon.

I don’t know if there’s a medical name for this disease, but I’ve been saying the same thing — in a polite, preaching, encouraging, threatening, pleading tone — to some people, for their own good, but they JUST DON’T LISTEN. The irony is that some of those people only suggested this topic to me. It’s like, why don’t you write on people like us? Hum toh sudharenge nahi, maybe you can give some calmness tips to yourself and others, to deal with it. I think mere toh chehre mein hi kahin ‘idiot’ word chhupa hai.

Anyway, I’m sure you too have such people in your life — husband, wife, kid, girlfriend, boyfriend, just friend, brother, sister, colleague, maid -— for whom the fathers of Hindi language coined a beautiful term — dheeth. Since, this is a posh column and I am a sophisticated English writer, let’s just act a bit fancy and call dheeth people ‘DP’ for now. You see, we all have one, or if we are God’s lucky child, more than one DP around us. They come in all ages, sizes and genders, and are mercilessly implanted in our lives in a way that we have to deal with them every waking day.

Your DP could be the husband who leaves the bathroom floor wet and the toilet seat up daily, while mine could be a co-worker who turns up late for work every single day. Your DP could be a best friend who always forgets to call up when he has safely reached home drunk after a party, while mine could be a driver who refuses to hold the steering because he has to fold both his hands while passing by each of the 542 temples that are on the way from home to office.

Speaking of my driver, he’d qualify to be at least a state minister with independent charge if there ever was a government of DP. He’d confidently turn the car in every direction while being totally clueless about directions, but absolutely refuse to seek directions from a bystander. Till I point a gun to the back of his head and make him stop and ask, that is. Karna padta hai ji, every DP has their own mode of treatment. I’m hoping that at least one of the 542 gods would cure him someday, but if only wishes were horses.

Anyway, before I get too random and turn into a DP myself, which, by the way, I already am in several respects, let us look at how to retain your Zen (I mean complete calmness, Einstein, not the car, yaar!) if you have someone in your life who refuses to listen and change his/her habit despite being told hazaar times.

Be clear and precise: An ambiguous communication can never achieve a firm outcome. Most of us lack the ability to say what we want clearly and firmly, without beating about the bush or repeating the same thing so many times that the listener actually gets irritated and loses the focus. If you don’t like a habit of someone close to you, and it’s becoming a constant cause of stress, say so in polite, but fewer words. And there better be a call for action in what you say. I mean, suggest a solution, don’t simply nag or criticise.

Shun the sarcasm: A study by the National University of Timbektoo says the more personal insults or taanas you fling at a person, the lesser his or her chances of improving in life. You will turn a DP into a maha DP if you’ll be sarcastic instead of trying to make a valid case for why you want something changed. Chaddhaji’s wife hates the fact that Chaddhaji leaves the toothpaste open on the wash basin, daily after brushing his teeth. Every day at 8am, Mrs Chawla who lives four houses down the street can also hear her say, ‘Aapki mummy ne kuchh sikhaaya nahi aapko?’. Now, I have some basic objections to this. First, it can’t be that Chaddhaji brushes his teeth every morning. The deep shade of the colour yellow defies it. Second, how would it help to drag his poor mother into the tube of toothpaste every day. If anything, it can take the argument in some other direction altogether. Golden rule: Avoid taane, tab hum maane.

See the other side: Yaar dekho, no matter how convinced you may be that you are right in wanting whatever you do, there’s always another side to it. Always. Because God sonal.kalra@ hindustantimes.com facebook.com/ sonalkalraofficial. Twitter @sonalkalra.