LOVE IN THE TIME OF ANTIROMEO SQUADS
The old song may claim ‘Love is in the air’ but I doubt if that’s the case in our country. We might have mastered the art of wooing and flirtation in the days of the Kamasutra but that high point of achievement is now well behind us. These days the cry of love jihad and the exertions of the good Yogi’s anti-Romeo squads have suppressed our ardour and shackled romance.
Indian Juliets may cry their hearts out wailing ‘O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?’ but I doubt if he is going to show up. Fear has replaced affection. Romeo is likely to stay at home with Mummy!
Just look at the distressing facts. The Yogi’s anti-Romeo squads have questioned 21,37,520 people of whom 9,33,099 have been warned and 3,003 acted against in 1,706 FIRs. Between March 22nd and December and 15th, that’s an average of six cases a day.
For what it counts, an anti-Romeo squad comprises a sub-inspector and two constables. They patrol Uttar Pradesh’s universities, colleges, cinema halls, parks and public places. Consequently, there is nowhere left to hold hands and canoodle. Teenage passion has been straitjacketed.
In contrast, I still remember the first time I received a red rose on Valentine’s Day, even though it was over 30 years ago. I was a producer at London Weekend Television. The phone rang around midday. It was the reception nine floors below.
“Karan”, said a rather eager voice. “You’re not going to believe this but there’s a special delivery Valentine’s rose for you!”
Minutes later a beaming lady from the reception walked in, her right hand stretched out and grasped in it a single red rose with a little card dangling from the stem. “Guess who?” it read.
I hadn’t the faintest idea but that’s what made it so thrilling. I have a secret admirer, I said to myself. My colleagues started laughing and sniggering. An immediate guessing game broke out “Who do you think sent it?” For the life of me I could not work that out.
Unable to contain myself I picked monkeys offer alternative directions to take and walk their way. The rest of the group casts their vote by going and standing with one of the candidates. The decision is taken once again through majority consensus. As soon as a group starts growing big, smaller groups abandon their choice and side with the bigger ones.
Voting and candidacy isn’t restricted to adults or females; all monkeys of all sizes, age, and sexes vote. A similar process is followed by baboons as well. They might have a social hierarchy amongst themselves, but everyone votes.
Buffaloes
The larger cousins of our water-loving herbivores in Africa vote which direction their herd should move in through a complicated physical exercise. The females in the herd offer their choice of direction during rest by standing up and lying back down with their heads facing the direction in which they want to go. Different animals in the group offer different options and the exercise goes on for an FEB 14: Mr A. B. Vajpayee was today (Feb 13) elected president of the Jan Sangh in succession to Mr Deen Dayal Upadhyaya who died on Sunday (Feb 11). His election was made by the working committee. Mr Vajpayee will continue to lead his party's group in the Lok Sabha up the phone and rang Nisha. “Guess what? I’ve just received an anonymous red rose. Who do you think might have sent it?” Nisha laughed. She seemed happy. But even she had no idea who my secret admirer might be.
For the rest of the day I was on cloud nine. I felt I was floating. I could hardly pay attention to anything. The day passed in a whirl.
When I got home that evening I popped the rose into a crystal holder and positioned it at the centre of the drawing room table. Nisha, who got back after me, saw it immediately. “So you’re thrilled?” she said, her face covered in a big smile.
“Of course. I’ve got an admirer. I wonder who it is?”
This was too much for Nisha. “It’s me, you idiot! Who else would send you a red rose on Valentine’s Day?”
While I recovered from shock Nisha picked up the phone to share the story with all our friends. The joke was at my expense but I was grateful for the earlier six hours of thrill and sweet anticipation.
It’s this innocent fun the Yogi and love jihad have put an end to. When you worry about the consequence you lose the desire to woo. When the police are on vigil adolescent flirtation flies out of the window. Oh dear, what a joyless world we’ve become.
ANIMALS MIGHT NOT HAVE ELECTED LEADERS, BUT THEY SURE DO VOTE! IN SEVERAL SPECIES, VOTING HAS BEEN OBSERVED FOR ROUTINE DECISIONMAKING
hour or two, generally appearing like the beasts are lazing around or resting. A consensus emerges when a large number of buffaloes are turned in the same direction. The herd moves in the direction of maximum buffalo heads. Meerkats
These desert mongooses are often easy prey to large predators like eagles and snakes. Meerkats always move in groups (called clans) for protection; a lone meerkat is a dead meerkat. Sometimes, certain individuals of a clan sense risk or feel panic and start emitting vocalisations. If these sounds are not one of the six urgent alarm calls for predators: a low, medium, and high urgency setting for predators on land and sky, but are just persuasion, the clan decides whether to pay heed and move faster or stick to their speed. If more meerkats join in on the noise and there is a majority vote, the clan speeds up.
Ants
Rock ants perhaps have the simplest and most cumbersome voting procedure for deciding on a new nest. They travel to each individual site location, inspect it thoroughly, and if satisfied, just stay there. If their numbers don’t build, they go around to see who’s getting votes and move into the place that has the largest number of stationary ants.
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