‘THERE ALWAYS USED TO BE THAT ONE PERSON WHO COULD TALK WELL – WHO WAS FULL OF STORIES AND A TREAT TO LISTEN TO. IT COULD BE THE ROADSIDE CHAIWALLA.’
MORE PEOPLE ARE COMMUNICATING WITH KNOWN AND UNKNOWN PEOPLE TODAY THAN IN THE PAST, SAY RESEARCHERS. BUT HAS THIS ONLINE DISCOURSE ENRICHED THE TRADITIONAL WAYSIDE AND DRAWING ROOM CONVERSATIONS?
communicate w/ (with) precision. I choose my words because they are the best ones for the idea i want to convey, not the most obscure or rodomontade ones!” His posts are such a far cry from the usual emoticons, ‘omgs’ ‘lols’ and ‘duhs’ that pass for communication in online discourses, that it is hardly surprising that Tharoor’s choice of words draw the attention they do.
Books and article have been written on ways of carrying on a meaningful conversation or help readers hone their skills of conversing in a way to make the best possible impression on their listeners. There are classes to teach one correct diction and pronunciation. But for Amit Chaudhuri, it is the nature of the conversation which is of primary importance.
The dictionary defines conversation as “a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged”. But Chaudhuri categorises it into three kinds. “The first is insular, clubby. It is a kind of networking conversation among members of a clique. There is very little scope for intellectual stimulation here. The second is when two people who may not even know each other are drawn together in conversation because of their shared angularity and in the process get to discover each other. My conversations with Peter were of this nature,” says Chaudhuri. He adds, “Then there is the overheard conversation, whose sound alone brings a fullness to everyday life.” Unfortunately, today it is the first kind of conversation that dominates, says the author. In the past, conversation – or more particularly the informal adda – had, he feels, a kind of innocence and adventure about it. “It was eclectic and would chart a huge range of subjects, from the mundane to the intellectual, which you don’t have too much of in conversations today,” he says.
A degree of dissension is required, feels poet-writer-lyricist Javed Akhtar. People can’t be agreeing to each other all the time. At times, one or the other person may have to assume a different point of view for the sake of discourse. But, the poet adds that this can’t be done if there is a mood of intolerance. One has to be tolerant of different viewpoints in a conversation, he feels.
Also, one has to be a good listener, point outs author Jerry Pinto. “And when I say listening I don’t just mean waiting in silence for the other person to stop speaking though that is rare enough – I mean actively trying to incorporate the other person’s point of view into one’s own world view. This is an act of empathy which should be at the heart of all conversation.” But, adds Pinto, “social media, by making us putative stars of a small universe, has taught us not to listen”.
The essence of all conversations is to communicate and share, agrees Bamzai. “But the emphasis today is less on sharing and more about seeing the self as the star,” she says.
It started with globalisation, feels Chaudhuri. “Globalisation changed social values and legitimised self promotion. Social media had the potential to change that by creating a space where one could be more irreverent. But that didn’t happen. Rather, it added to that same kind of discourse,” he says.
The proof is there on everyone’s social media timelines – selfies of spectacular holidays, details of lunches, dinners and coffee dates, of one’s own and one’s children’s achievements – the obsession with the self is probably at an all time high..
THE NEOSOCIAL
A 1935 painting by artist Arnold Lakhovsky shows a group of men sitting together. Their expressions suggest they are talking. The work is titled The Conversation. A similarly titled 2017 book, Conversations, by art director, illustrator, and designer Nicholas Blechman and illustrator-graphic artist Christoph Niemann is, however, based on a four-month communication between the two, during which they exchanged drawings and photos using their smartphones. According to Niemann’s website, there was no verbal communication between them.
Bashir - who also teaches at the Jamia Millia Islami university in Delhi - and her husband Amir, organise an open-for-all conversation at their house every month, where people meet to discuss books. “At times, youngsters who attend surprise us with their views and how well they can express themselves, once the conversation catches their interest,” she says. But adds that it is becoming increasingly common for her colleagues and students to communicate over email and message, rather than talking in person or over the phone.
Das gives the example of a friend who is extremely articulate over email and in nonverbal communications, but fumbles to make himself understood while talking.
In many ways, social media has taken over the place of the nukkad tea stalls or para, where people would meet to converse, says Ali, but adds, that for him nothing beats the charm of a face-to-face chat. “When you are conversing with someone in person, the spoken words are only about 25 per cent of the communication – 75 per cent is what you see, the person’s gestures and expressions,” he says. In a virtual exchange, gestures and expressions are replaced by emoticons. Not everyone is, however, happy with the liberal use of emojis. “It is like the message comes
When you are conversing in person, the spoken words are only about 25 per cent of the communication – 75 per cent is what you see, the person’s gestures and expressions.
IMTIAZ ALI, filmmaker
with a rider. You are told how to interpret it,” says Chaudhuri. And there is the moralising. “Adda was never about morality. But social media promotes moralism,” says Chaudhuri. Bamezai agrees. “Conversations on social media turf are at times like slinging matches or a boxing arena which have nothing highbrow about them,” she says.
Of course, social media is not the sole disrupter of the leisurely conversations of the past. “Our lifestyles have changed so much. Our parents would usually be back from work by six in the evening and have the entire evening to socialise,” points out Bashir. That is hardly the case for most professionals today, as competitive work lives ensure office time blends into after-hour work from home.
For those alive to the charms of an informal verbal conversation, the engagement can be as addictive as uploading selfies on social media seem to be for most people today. Prantik (name changed on request), one of Das’s regular conversation companions, says he can miss work, but not his daily dose of conversation. His claim seems, however, more of a wish than reality. Das admits that one or the other of them often don’t make it, owing to other commitments. The only constant member of the group today is probably the low wall of the neighbourhood market where they meet – the silent host and participant in their many discourses.