Hindustan Times ST (Mumbai) - Brunch
The Post-diwali Crack Up
Even a festival cannot be all happy happy when you are a member of a massive Whatsapp group
So how was your Diwali, Ji? Happy happy? Khao, piyo, khush raho types? Did you burst crackers? Can I just say this? I understand how bursting crackers is bad – for pollution, the environment, child labour and dogs – but God, my entire childhood memory of Diwali in Chennai is linked to waking up at the crack of dawn and bursting crackers.
I had a good Diwali, Ji. Not happy happy. In fact, it was crazy. All because of Whatsapp. Like most of you, I am part of about a dozen Whatsapp groups – some family, some school and college friends, some colleagues. The masala happened with my school Whatsapp group. For privacy’s sake, let us call it the Jawahar Bal Vidyalaya Whatsapp group. Two years ago, someone had the bright idea to create a “universal” Whatsapp group that connects every student who had gone to the said school. This is not just a group of classmates but a bunch of schoolmates ranging in age from 18 to 82. You already see the storm clouds looming, right?
At first, it was all hunky dory – full josh, majja-maadi, as they say here in Karnataka. The birth of a new Whatsapp group is a joyous thing. But then, every Whatsapp group has a life cycle. Some depressed dude who has just been fired from work craves kinship and community. He gets the bright idea to create this giant virtual community full of love and friends. He creates said group with a punchy bright name like “Modern School Friends Zindabad,” with pink flowers on either side. He adds five people, makes them all admins. They all merrily add folks from all over India. After that, the deluge.
My school group was no different. When I first got added, there was a slew of cordial welcomes from schoolmates, most of whom were strangers. One elderly army uncle said that his son, Jitender had been my class teacher in Class V. I immediately did my respectful, “Namaste, Uncle-ji. How wonderful to meet you,” to which he replied with a sunrise photo and the wise saying, “Friends are like underwear. They know your innermost secrets.” I was left wondering if the elderly army uncle was a pervert or clueless. I also finally understood why Jitender-sir was such a weirdo.
The next morning there were enthusiastic “good morning friends,” messages accompanied by exploding flowers, New Zealand sheep, a bikini-clad Beyonce, Kishore Kumar, and some dead saint who I didn’t recognise. There were forwards in a variety of hues and colours, literally and figuratively that fell into one of these six categories.
SPIRITUAL: Which formed the bulk of messages, proving that religion is indeed the opiate of Indian masses. Some messages were an odd combination of spirituality and what seemed like accounting: “Remember that God is your auditor. Death is closing stock price. Ideas are your assets….”
SELF-RIGHTEOUS: These were forwards that were meant to convey either humility or happiness, sometimes both. Case in point: “What is success? When you are one-year-old: walking without support. When four-year-old: success is not urinating in pants. When 90-year-old: walking without support is success. Remember the circle of life and be humble. Do not be arrogant. Don’t expect too much.” Followed by flower and namaste emojis.
Spiritual forwards form the bulk of messages, proving that religion is indeed the opiate of Indian masses
ON THE
web
It’s here. The much awaited smog, that choking feeling, those burning eyes, most children on nebulisers and that wonderful poisonous air that defines our country in winter. And the only solution is to buy an army of air purifiers. Let me make you feel even better. That air purifier you’ve bought isn’t really doing much for you. Chances are you’ve bought the wrong one, are using it totally wrong and are doing an even worse job maintaining it. It’s time to blow away the gimmicky claims of brands and actually help you and your family breathe better.
Most companies won’t give the right information because what they make is pure crap in the guise of a purifier
Let’s first get rid of all the myths around air purifiers (and there are a lot of them).
If you have a tower AP, then it’s fine. If it isn’t, then put it on a table or stand. Or else you’re basically using it as a sweeping device to gather dust off the floor around it.
If you’re out of the room for a while and the AP is blowing away, you’re wasting the filter. Every filter lasts for a certain number of hours. Don’t make it work in an empty room!
Your room’s being swept, large chunks of dust are blowing around and it’s all getting sucked into the pre filter. Waste of the device. For that period of time, shut the AP off.
Place it in the most uncluttered area so it can suck in more air. Position it so it blows out the air into the centre of the room.
It’s the lifeblood of your device and it needs to be cleaned and changed at the right time. Clean the pre-filter and replace the HEPA filter exactly at the time it’s specified.
Many things affect its efficacy – clean air delivery rate (volume of filtered air the device can blow out), air changes per hour (how quickly the purifier changes the air in the given space) and cubic feet per minute (how many cubic feet of air move through the unit per minute). Most companies make crap in the guise of a purifier.
Fortunately, you don’t need to get into all this because I will do that for you. In Part 2, I take you through how to buy the right air purifier and which ones make sense for every budget and price point. Till then – hold your breath!
This is the first of a two-part series on air purifiers. Part 2 will appear on November 24, 2019.