Love on a platter

Food compatibility is the essential ingredient in long-term romantic bliss

f music be the food of love, play on’ wrote the over-quoted Bard, whose love interests were as diverse as they were intense, as his sonnets prove. I humbly wish to offer a counterview. Food, to me, nourishes love more than anything else. Jazz, long drives and a shared addiction to reality TV are all very well, but anyone who wishes to sustain a long-term, mutually fulfilling romantic relationship must accept that food compatibility is where it’s at. (Second only to temperature compatibility.)

Budget romance

The early days of dating abound in candlelit dinners of dainty sushi and bite-sized bruschetta, nibbled at absently between long gulps of wine. Food is simply an excuse to stare unabashedly at the angel across the table. Items that are fiddly are a strict no-no here; whoever wants to see their romantic fantasy struggle with a five-layered burger with onions and pickles? I’ve spent most of my salad days quaffing idlis at Udipis and bun maska at Irani cafés, safe in the knowledge that the affordable meals held few dangers for sloppy eaters. But there’s the matter of having to be quick about it; both kinds of establishment depend upon a quick turnover of tables. So often, you’re just about starting to exchange languid looks as the bill is served in a bowl of dubious saunf.

Once upon a time, theatres offered great possibilities for a budget romance. Somewhere between the unaffordable caramel popcorn and edamame momos at a multiplex, I find myself missing the comfort of cheap matinee shows with superb samosas. A year before the lockdown, I tried to recreate that lost charm by ordering a chai at the canteen of the ageing Gaietygalaxy theatre complex. Just as we had drained our chipped cups, my companion and I both realised we had left our wallets at home. It was left to the kindly couple at the next table to bail us out. A budget romance indeed.

Kitchen politics

Taste is a matter of infinite variety and complexity, and yet we all tend to find common ground with those we care about. If you, for instance, accept my dahi mania, I’ll be good about your dhania fixation. But some food-related differences between couples are irreconcilable. Like the mutton fiend and the vegan. (Good name for a contemporary take on an Aesop’s Fable, don’t you think?) Or when one partner’s idea of a celebration is a Gujarati thali while the other swears by khow suey. Invariably, one partner dominates the food discourse, just like certain flavour profiles

FEED ONE’S MIND

Taste is a matter of infinite variety and complexity, yet we tend to find common ground with those we care about

tend to eclipse others. Spicy food is not intrinsically superior to bland food, for example, but it is a widely held opinion where we live. Luckily, highly developed palates are not a pre-requisite for romantic bliss; cultural and emotional sensitivity is.

One of my favourite eavesdropping categories is ‘Kitchen discussions between couples’. The passive-aggressive insinuations around grocery shopping. The agony of planning daily menus. The pressure of entertaining. On the happier side, olive branches are regularly offered on a plate. An extra serving of dessert connotes passion. An early morning beverage, devotion. But it is in the cleaningup department that true love reveals itself. If there’s someone who will stay up with you doing the dishes long after the guests have left and the music has died down, they’re a keeper.

HIGHLY DEVELOPED PALATES ARE NOT A PRE-REQUISITE FOR ROMANTIC BLISS; CULTURAL AND EMOTIONAL SENSITIVITY IS

Cupid the connoisseur

Masterchef Australia has a lot to answer for. Just about anything that comes out of that fantastic pantry and kitchen is an ode to love. The thought that goes into every dish, the meticulous processes, and the impeccable plating and serving, have set impossibly high standards. As if that weren’t enough, some of the challenges that the show sets its participants are planned explicitly around the theme of love. And so we get madly attractive dishes, from flirtatious hors d’oeuvres to seductive desserts, a culinary theatre that casts cupid as a connoisseur.

Thankfully, there’s plenty of thoroughfare along the stomachheart highway. One is just as likely to be floored by a hurriedly assembled toastie as an elaborately planned roast. It all depends on the timing. As the world celebrates some version of Valentine’s Day, it’s useful to remember that love can be poured out of an instant packet just as easily as a vintage bottle. May we all be mindful of our audience, and keep both our wits and wallets handy.

rehanamunir@gmail.com Follow @rehana_munir on Twitter and Instagram