Hindustan Times ST (Mumbai) - Live
Ghosting? That’s the spirit
respect there is in relationships,” she says.
Love for her then, is not an arrow, but a circle, encompassing strong friendships and a wider net of people, instead of just the spouse-and-two-kids. How do you build that? You show up for those you care about: the date, the best friends, the colleague in need, the relative you never thought you’d bond with.
Prepare for some unlearning. Many believe that the longer you stay single, the more impossible it becomes to adjust to a partner because you’re used to your own life. “What’s so wrong with that?” she asks. “It’s possible to be content with yourself. And work towards being a better version of yourself every day. I’ve had this journey. I’ve shifted from wanting to marry a rich man to being that rich man. Financial independence is half the battle won.”
The inspiration:
Modern Family, which depicts hilarious, heartwarming circles of love.
The love-bombing tip: “Take candid photos of someone when they are looking nice!
The big plan this year: “I’ll be working. I love working.”
with Nikhil Taneja
Being in love is swell. “But it’s impossible to be in love all the time,” says the 36-year-old co-founder and CEO of Yuvaa. He would know. He’s been with his wife, Daisy, for 16 years, dating her for eight years before tying the knot eight years ago.
“Love is recognising that you can’t always be in love, and being friends with your partner whenever that happens,” Taneja says. “Sometimes there are days, weeks, even months when you may be going through something, and love may drift away. But, if your relationship is based on trust, care and friendship, you give yourselves and each other the space until you have that full cup of love again.”
Taneja says it was his wife that introduced him to the idea of Me Time, private spaces in a lifetime of togetherimporness. “It’s incredibly tant to find ‘we time’ and ‘me time’ for both partners, not just during a weekend, but every day. That way, we are on cliché (“It’s not you, it’s me”). In your attempt to offer closure, you come off fussy (“I’m looking for someone who’s passionate about the same things as I am”). Worse, the other person will typically want to know why. You’ll be stuck explaining yourself when there’s nothing to explain.
Why hurt their feelings?: Even when there’s good reason to end a dalliance, it’s
Listen to when they happen to wish they had/ could buy, and gift it to them when they least expect it! Love bombing is great for milestone moments, but on a daily basis, it’s a bit weird and suspicious.
“We got married on Valentine’s Day, so we are celebrating our wedding anniversary with some travel to the mountains, as a throwback to the mountains we got married in, Shimla.
“I’m a simp,” admits 38-year-old actor Namit Das. “I’m vulnerable in love. And, why shouldn’t I be? We only have one life. Wear your heart on your sleeve. And when you feel something, say it. Even if it ends in heartbreak. There are no half-measures in love.”
Das will celebrate his eighth wedding anniversary, and 14 years of being with his wife, Shruti, on February 15. Going all-out with one’s feelings draws plenty of cynicism. “People view you with mild disdain. They try to change the idea by saying, ‘You can’t fall in love, you need to rise in love’,” he says.
But love doesn’t exist in the declaration of the emotion. “Love is when I push myself and do things for someone, even when I’m adjusting to them. The world is turning individualistic. People today believe in too many things too strongly. It’s great to soften to accommodate the other person.”
Love does conquer all, as long as we do it right. “Because what is all-consuming love but care? We all think we know what we want but we forget what we bring to the table ourselves. And, remember, love is a verb.”
The inspiration: Raag Bageshri performed by anyone. And Kemal Basmaci, the protagonist in Orhan Pamuk’s The Museum of Innocence. “He’s so much in love, and intensely so.”
The love bombing tip: Profess your love online. Public displays of affection take courage. Your audience will also feel happy after reading it.
The couple plans to take in the larger-than-life projected paintings at the Van Gogh 360 show in Mumbai. hardly good form to announce it. You’re dumping someone, anyway. Why tell them they’re boring/whiny/too tall/bigoted/gap-toothed/basic when you can simply go quiet?
Getting ghosted is NBD too: When your chats have gone cold after what you thought was a thrilling back and forth, do see the bright side. No answer is possibly the best answer you can get. You’re freed from having to consider changing yourself to better suit someone else. There are no cringey moments, no dung hiding under the diplomacy. No obsessing over what was said v/s what was meant. You never have to extend the “Let’s just be friends” lie.
The Ghost Protocol: Best practices for ghosters? Roughly, if you are planning to ghost someone, make it quick. Don’t linger and create confusion. And if you do run into them in person one day, don’t let it be the elephant in the room. Be the first to bring it up. Mention that you’re sorry it didn’t work out.
On the other hand, if you’re the one whose messages have been seen, but not responded to at the usual speed, give it time. Sometimes life really does get in the way. If the person seems to be active online but inactive with you, take the hint. The ghosting has begun. If the last texts were yours and there were no responses (even to your follow-up suite of ???? ) it’s not looking good.
Resist the urge to send a catty message: Indicating that you don’t care will probably rattle a ghoster more.
And don’t kill yourself over it: Ghosting is no worse than any other kind of breakup. So rest in peace.
He’s now the internet’s daddy. Just look at him! *chef’s kiss* We stan a good dad. Pascal has starred in some of the biggest shows of this past decade, including Game of Thrones, Narcos, The Mandalorian and the new, powerful, series adaptation of the video game, The Last of Us. Pascal proves that he can make anything, even fungi attacks, look good. Best of all: An entire generation now knows what mycologist means.
Ricky Kej picked up his third award for the album Divine Tides, with rock-legend Stewart Copeland. Beyoncé set a new record for most wins by any artist in Grammy history, with 32. Hooray for a new category: Best Spoken Word Poetry Album, a win for poets. The debut award was won by J Ivy, who spent six years lobbying for this category. It also feels like poetic justice.
Have you seen how complicated and expensive water bottles are getting? They’re meant to sit on your desk, reminding you to drink water while you work. But must they have LED temperature displays? Have separate compartments for vitamins, even fruit? Come with “You’re doing amazing, sweetie” slogans? One actually tracks your water intake and glows when it thinks it’s time for you to drink. Surely the bottle must serve the master and not the other way around?
Singles Awareness Day is on February 15, right after Valentine’s. And unattached folks have another day of the year to celebrate. November 11 (All the ones, get it?) -- it’s also Single’s Day globally, and a huge shopping day in Asia as folks buy gifts for themselves. The holiday is so popular that 4,000 couples got married on 11-11-2011 in Beijing! Kind of missed the point there, lovers!
That’s when password sharing on Netflix ends. Why shouldn’t we let other people use our account? How does one decide who to kick out? How does one choose between their father and their best friend? What happened to ‘love means sharing a password’? Relationships will be tested. Alliances will be forged. And Netflix will be picking up the pieces. Dramatic much? We learnt it from the big N.