Building Society WA Chat Group
Read the column on hindustan times.com
Exhibit A:
Social Media Post By Bouncing Bon Vivant Billionaire
Dear fans, friends and my extended family of well-wishers and sundry sycophants,
As you know I continue to be humbled by the countless blessings and love that have been showered on me, by you, god’s grace, my scintillating personality and above all my Dad’s well-oiled network of compliant bankers (some of who have blocked him and members of my family from their phones perhaps due to some recent red alerts that have been issued against our names because of a small matter of our un-serviced loans that seem to be making headlines back home.)
Anyway, as I was saying: In the spirit of adventure and seeking out life’s little (and big, very big) pleasures, once again, my darling wife and a few of our chosen hangers-on, bring you the latest edition of our most recent vacation at yet another luxury resort which you will never afford and will undoubtedly spend the rest of your uninteresting lives gnashing your misaligned teeth while wondering why.
This time, we chose to spend a week at the 7-star luxury resort ‘Can’t Afforda’ in the ‘Takey Da Moni’ ‘N’ ‘Runnaway’ group of archipelago islands off the Coast of Do-buy.
And we are happy to report that our experiences at the ‘Can’t Afforda’ were so much more than the simple pampering one has taken for granted as part of one’s Life’s Infinite Blessings (not to forget the support of the aforementioned compliant bankers, one or two of them who we believe are currently cooling their heels in the clinkers...)
The pampering at the ‘Can’t Afforda’ is ‘nother level. Just yesterday, at its spa, our group experienced a traditional island ritual artfully crafted to relax us. This comprised four hours of lying face down in a bed of freshly -procured animal manure, while a couple of swarthy island elders, who resembled Sumo wrestlers –only not so friendly –marched up and down our backs shouting exotic incantations. Though we couldn’t understand what they were saying, words like ‘Fatta pig, drink the blood of da’ Poor‘ and ‘Alpha A**whoal!’ repeated again and again, sounded very healing to our ears and we drifted off to a pleasant rejuvenating reverie, before preparing for dinner and our customary all-night disco-dancing on table tops.
Known to be the go-to choice of sanctioned oligarchs, deposed autocrats and runaway robber barons, the ‘Can’t Afforda’, set amidst the flora and fauna of the lush rainforest, recently transported from Brazil (along with more than a dozen endangered species) not to forget its fortified underground arsenal along with a helipad and luxe mall is certainly the latest haven in our blessed lives.
Oh, have I mentioned there’s a submarine on the ready fitted out with 24-hour mani-pedi service and karaoke to make a quick exit if required?
Greetings to all members of our Happy Home Society.
In continuance of our efforts to enhance the lives of our esteemed members, this is to introduce you to a unique service we are considering introducing for the benefit of our society.
‘Project intolerance’ was launched a couple of years ago, by a group of well-meaning neighbourhood bigots and closet fascists, with a mission statement to make rank prejudice, narrow-minded and vile bigotry and objectionable intolerance against certain communities, more accessible and widespread in a systematic way.
Uncalled-for mean remarks against communities need not be left to the random wiles and whims of the senile and grammatically -challenged any longer.
‘Project Intolerance’ would do the needful.
Since its inception, Project Intolerance has been successfully delivering snide and insidious insults, loony theories and outright lies to households via Whatsapp messages, with millions of satisfied customers.
Now, as your managing committee, we feel it’s time to invite ‘Project Intolerance’ as one more facility to enhance the lives of our members and encourage you to visit its website listed below, to acquaint yourself with its product catalogue.
As you will notice, it is a fully self-sustained compendium of hoary old lies, biases and partisanship along with handy tool kits for opening old wounds, casting aspersions, and creating disharmony and differences between people and groups.
We propose that initially, we will start Project Intolerance’s services twice a week and gradually increase the frequency if required.
With ‘Project Intolerance’, we look forward to a future of healthy disdain for differences and a feeling of suspicion, hostility and simmering resentment among the residents of our beloved society.
Thanking You,
MC of Happy Home Society.
Exhibit C:
Online Bolly Website Item
Remember her uber classical avatar in last year’s box office hit Dil To Bikini Hai? Not to mention her hot appliance as the gal -next-door in Hero No. 5382? Well, it won’t be an anomaly to state that XX is one of the top divas in the tinsel town of Bollywood whose fashion statements be they athleisure, airport ware, Indo-western outfits, chiffon sarees, opulent lehengas, denim shirts, and even oversized jackets etc has stolen the marches on her entire industrial competitions, not to mention her rifle actresses –especially one in particular who still has not started following us or posting cute messages and love emojis to us and so who we will refuse to mention until she falls in line).
But coming back to XX. It is no secret that XX is known as the sweetest actress in the Bollywood (who sends us the most messages and promotes us as her BFF and is an award-winning actor (though she is a female and quite proud we hear) who continues to gracefully nail every role and outfit be it in a quirky Sabya saree or a monochromatic affair by Varun. Clearly, she has always been way ahead of her curves and the paps just love her. What’s more, her glowing rumoured affair with her co-star X in the much-awaited magnum open XXX has been confirmed by the studio producing the film, both its producers, its director and publicist and every of its pressed release and has made them into one of the most talked-about rumoured couples. Well, neither of the two have confessed in public about their relationship fans can only speculate such things with recent pictures of XX visiting her rumoured beau’s house early morning, for an impromptu photo shoot in the building’s car park, dressed in an electric blue jacket that she paired with yellow tights and purple slippers. It was noted by insiders that while giving the thumbs-up sign, the fashionista was in a smiley mood before she dissipated into the building’s elevator.
What say we give the cutie love birds a big thumbs up?