LIFESTYLE
An increasing number of urban couples are dealing more practically with cheating partners in the initial stages of their relationships; we track the evolution
A growing number of youngsters are willing to give their cheating partners a second chance in the initial stages of their relationship.
Rumours linking Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston had been doing the rounds for a while before the actor finally confirmed the news last month. Just a few weeks later, Swift was spotted kissing oil heir Mike Hess at a performance at the latter’s birthday party. In the video, which went viral, Swift is seen flirting, dancing and then kissing the birthday boy on the cheek. Not surprisingly, the video led to heavy-duty speculation about whether the singer was cheating on Hiddleston.
FORGIVE AND FORGET
While Swift and Hiddleston’s romantic equation remains unaffected, this incident raised many questions about how urban couples are dealing with cheating so early on in their relationships.
There is no denying that infidelity can lead to serious damage, but many people have begun to believe that the consequences of cheating are different in the initial stages of a relationship. For instance, not always do these situations lead to weepy break-ups.
“We’re all more sceptical today. So, for the first few months, you’re getting to know the other person, and you’re not too attached. When I found out that my boyfriend had cheated on me only weeks into our relationship, I was taken aback, but I wasn’t broken,” says Shireen Jadeja*, a lawyer.
She went on to have a conversation with him. They agreed that they both wanted to take their bond seriously, and continued their relationship, with the promise of re-evaluating things three months later. “Three months later, we spoke to each other and we decided to stay committed,” she says.
THE RED FLAG
This re-evaluation has become an essential part of such settlements. It helps couples understand “if they need to take a break”, or if they want to continue.
“It (the cheating) may mean that your partner is not sure about having a committed relationship with you, and as a result, he or she is still looking for options. Hence, it is only wise to protect yourself from any kind of emotional turmoil,” says clinical psychologist Tanushree Bhargava.
The psychologist adds that communicating with the partner, who has cheated, before jumping to any conclusions is also important. “Professional counselling can be of great help in such situations, especially if both the partners want to give the relationship a second chance,” says Bhargava.
CONDITIONS APPLY
The conditions under which the cheating takes place also have a role to play in such scenarios. If it involves a person who has made a one-off mistake under the influence, the lack of any baggage may work in the favour of the relationship. But if the cheating partner had another ongoing affair on the side, the chance of a reconciliation may be miniscule.
“In any relationship, the initial cementing process is important. When things go badly wrong, especially in this period, then there is usually no scope of building trust again,” she says.
For many, analysing why the partner has cheated offers them perspective and helps them cope with the situation. “Take the relationship to the next level only after you know why your partner cheated on you. Only then can you expect the act to not be repeated in the future,” says relationship counsellor Mary George.
*Name changed on request