SHOW ME THE MONEY, HONEY
Does wooing someone with lavish gifts or expensive dates really help in winning the person’s heart? Experts answer the question for us
It was recently reported that international singer Mary J Blige is embroiled in a divorce battle with her estranged husband Martin “Kendu” Isaacs since July 2016. Married for the last 12 years, Blige has cited “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for the divorce. A few days ago, quoting new court documents that were accessed by a news outlet, it was reportedd that Blige had accused Isaacs of “stealing her money and passing it off as business expenses”. Most importantly, the documents say that Isaacs spent the money, ` 4,20,000 (` 2 crore 68 lakh approx.), to “woo his new girlfriend”.
MONEY POWER
Trying to impress a potential partner is common during the wooing phase. And, when you want to impress someone, whether by showering lavish gifts or treating you at expensive restaurants, money is always involved. Mental health counsellor Kavita Mungi says that this behaviour relates to that of animals or birds and means that males have to “puff and preen” in order to impress their female partners. She says, “It is natural for a man to woo a woman. And, in order to do that he will want to wine and dine with her. He knows theret may be a lot of competitionco and spending more than he can afford is the best option.” Talking about women, Mungi says, “Women don’t really spend a lot of money to woo men as they have been conditioned not to do so. This stems from the fact that in the bygone era women didn’t really work. But, times have changed, and working women today may take things in a different perspective.”
THE FINAL RESULTS
But, does all the spending during the wooing period guarantee success? Mungi says it depends from person to person. She says, “Wooing is also about what she wants or what she is looking for in her partner. Not all women are impressed by money. Some will value the man and his qualities will win them over, and others might prefer a well-heeled man who is able to spend easily. Also, sometimes the woman might gauge the man’s social and financial status on the basis of his spending power. It may work to a certain extent as far as getting a few more dates is concerned, but finally it will boil down to being compatible.”
BE REAL
And considering there is no guarantee that you will be successful in wooing the person you desire, it is important you know where to draw the line. Says Mungi, “It is very difficult to handle a relationship, purely based only on financial dynamics. One should be upfront about the kind of money he or she is ready to spend while wooing a person. It would be better to go dutch on a date and have an agreement about it to avoid hassles. Also, be yourself even if you are miserly or a spendthrift by nature, as it won’t be long before reality catches up. One should preplan a date and put a limit as to how far one can spend safely without drilling a hole in your pockets.”
On the other hand, you can woo a person even without showering lavishly. Clinical psychologist, Tanushree Bhargava agrees. She says, “Your chances of winning a person won’t be affected if you spend less on him or her. How you make a person feel also matters a lot. Anything in excess is unhealthy.”
Finally, most people will agree that the niceties that start during the wooing period don’t last long. Once the wooing period is over, and you start dating the person, things take a different perspective. Bhargava says that this aspect can affect a relationship adversely. She says, “In relationships, people’s perceptions about you are based on the way you treat them initially. Once your partner’s behaviour, at least when it comes to spending, changes after a time, you might feel confused and start getting second thoughts about the reasons why you agreed to date this person. Communication and relationship problems may soon follow in such a scenario.”
Women don’t really spend a lot of money to woo men as they have been conditioned not to do so. KAVITA MUNGI, MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELLOR