‘In life, we must not have regrets’

I am 19, and last night when I was in bed, I realised why I am single. After some research, I found out that I have never let anyone get close to me. I want to be in a relationship, but I am confused. Please help. — AS

AS, lots of our greatest thoughts come to us while we’re in bed. Decathlete Bruce Jenner realised he was a woman while lying in bed. His wife realised she was a woman while lying in the same bed, and so obviously banished Bruce to the living room. Now to your question, your fear of closeness can be best dealt with by forcing yourself into more social contact. You need to go out there and meet people. Although you’ll rightly never want to meet 95% of them again, only by going out there and meeting people will you give yourself a chance.

I have a crush on my college friend. He showed interest in me by chatting on WhatsApp with me for hours. Gradually, he lost interest, and now he doesn’t talk to me. I like him and he is always on my mind. My studies are being affected. I gave him a few gifts as well. How do I get him out of my life and focus on my studies? GS

So GS, what do you suggest I suggest? Give him a list of the gifts you gave him, and ask for them back, plus a minimum fine of ` 2? What if you gave him an ice cream? You can’t get that back, because he’s eaten it. Yes, you can ask him to buy you and ice cream, but it’s not the same thing. GS, you yourself said he’s lost interest. Sometimes, you just have to accept that the game’s over. Easier said than done, but if you know he’s lost interest, that’s 77.5% of the battle. Your last two lines suggest you are thinking clearly. The only way to forget about him is to accept it’s over, and do exactly that: forget about him.

I’ve been in a relationship with a former colleague for the past year. She is 13 years older than I am and has a broken marriage. She is the mother of a 13-year-old girl. I support her personally and professionally. This is a pure relationship without much sex involved. We fight often, but then we patch up, because we can’t live without each other. Please suggest. — VD

VD, the world renowned dentist Cavitus V was executed by Hadrian’s troops because of his puritanical views. And because he had extracted Hadrian’s tooth instead of Hadrian’s horse’s tooth, which he was supposed to extract. My point is, what do you mean you have a pure relationship devoid of sex. The two you haven’t got a problem: you’re just describing what appears to be a pretty happy life. If you’re asking if you should marry her, well you’re asking the wrong person. Please ask that of her directly, and if all goes well, marry her on the 13th day of the month of your choice.

A guy loves me and wants me to be his girlfriend. I love him as well, but I’m unable to accept his proposal because I’m afraid of my parents. Please help. — Sanjeeda

Sanjeeda, when I was a young boy, (we’re talking 17th century or thereabouts), I was afraid of the dark. My dad hit on the novel idea of blindfolding me in the day to get me used to darkness. A brilliant strategy that resulted in me being scared in the day as well. My problem still persists. What I’m trying to say is, parents aren’t always right, and sometimes, your parents can be in the darkness. In life, we must not have regrets. Fear of parents really shouldn’t be categorised as a fear. It’s not like fear of spiders, who are often more patient and kinder than parents. Sanjeeda, they are your parents. Get real informal with them. Tickle them, pinch them, throw water balloons on them and make them see things your way. It’s your life!