NO MARRIAGE PACT
An increasing number of people are skipping marriage in spite of being in relationships, but is staying single all your life really worth it?
Marriage is often lauded for its benefits and the happiness it brings. In fact, a lot of people go to great lengths to make their marriage feel and seem perfect. However, wedlock just isn’t meant for everyone. During a recent interview with HT Café, when asked why she never tied the knot, Asha Parekh said, “I would just say that I wasn’t destined to get married. Now, when I look back, I feel I am happy that I never got married.”
When it comes to an average Indian, you’re not likely to find many single people in their 30s. Most people are married by the time they turn 35, and even if one doesn’t want to get married, societal and parental pressures often convince people to take the leap. However, times are changing, and an increasing number of people are preferring to stay unmarried, despite being in relationships.
REMAINING UNMARRIED
Consultant psychiatrist Dr Ambrish Dharmadhikari says that people these days are of the opinion that marriage is just a social contract and relationships are something that are built through effort and not by social compulsions. He says, “Living in, or cohabitation, offers the advantage of freedom. This understanding, along with additional space and independence, is prompting people to stay unmarried.”
But clinical psychologist Tanushree Bhargava has a different take on the issue. She says live-in relationships are popular only in bigger cities. She says, “In traditional families, the compulsion to get married at a certain age has not changed much. Marriage is still considered very important. The change has been seen mostly in metros, where highly qualified and professionally competent individuals or youngsters are living a life that is different from their traditional backgrounds.”
MAKING A CHOICE
However, there’s a big difference between a person who didn’t choose to marry and someone who is unmarried because they didn’t find a suitable partner. Bhargava says people who chose not to marry may have fewer problems in life than those who couldn’t find the right partner.
But Bhargava maintains that staying unmarried can be problematic in the later stages of life. She says, “Staying unmarried throughout one’s life can create mental imbalances, leading to aggression, irritation or mood swings. Studies have indicated that life is difficult for those who remain unmarried, especially in old age, because when you are married, you often have someone to talk to and share your grief, burdens and responsibilities. But when you are unmarried, you have to handle everything alone. With time, these burdens make an individual weak, causing mental fatigue and physical illnesses.”
On the other hand, staying out of wedlock also has its benefits. Dharmadhikari opines, “Independence is the benefit of remaining unmarried. A person is less dependent on others and they are not driven by social pressures. Unmarried people can live life as they want to without familial and social compulsions.”
Staying unmarried because you’re already living in with someone has its benefits as well. Dharmadhikari says, “Living in with someone and staying unmarried for life makes both people work hard on their relationship. You don’t take each other for granted because you know your partner can easily walk out. In case of a split, such couples don’t have to go for a divorce, get involved in legal matters, or split up financial assets. There is a combination of interpersonal freedom and personal responsibility.”