‘Stop feeling so unloved’

My boyfriend says that in India, loving each other is not enough to get married; there are many conditions including acceptance from family members. He says we don’t have a future. How can I make him change his mind? — NK

Your boyfriend is giving lot of excuses. He wants to appear as the good guy, and blame the family and other factors for his disinclination to marriage. Call his bluff. If he really loved you, nothing would stop your union.

Six months back, I started chatting all night. After a month, she proposed to me. But, I didn’t accept her proposal. Later, I proposed to her and she rejected it. Now, she is asking me to talk to her so that she doesn’t lose me. Please help. — HP

The only people who should be chatting all night are watchmen. And that’s because that is their job. They need to stay awake, for their job. You guys are involved in the world’s third most popular game, (after Pokémon Go and nose digging), the game of proposal-tag. First she proposed, then you. All that is fine and in the past. The score is one all, and you need tie-breakers. The fact that she says she doesn’t want to lose you is a very positive sign. It’s her way of trying to connect. You propose again. If she says no, just wait for her to propose to you again. But, please say ‘yes’ this time. Proposal Tag can’t be played forever, you know.

I am not ready for my love marriage. He doesn’t have any time for me. Nobody loves me, not even my parents. The situation is getting worse every day. No one is happy with me as well. Please help. — Maaya

What kind of love marriage involves no commitment from you. That’s like Katrina Kaif agreeing to do a film, but insisting she only does face makeup, and does nothing for her hair. I mean Katrina is all about her hair. Marriage is all about commitment. And also about the hair initially. Stop feeling so unloved. Even if what you are saying is sort of correct, let’s take positive correction, as I told my math tuition teacher to no avail. Why not show more interest in the people around you. Create time with your boyfriend. Even if it means doing things he likes (and no, he hasn’t written before and asked me to suggest this). Same with parents. Show interest and you’ll be amazed how interest gets shown in you. Talk about your feelings and live a little.

I have developed feelings for a my senior in college and he knows about it. My friend spoke to him and found out that he is in a casual relationship. He says his dreams and ambitions are his priority and they are preventing him from having a serious commitment. I understand, but it’s extremely hard to move on. Please help. — Anonymous

We all have been in this love struck position. At least your feelings are for a guy. Mine was for a hamburger that somebody else subsequently ate. It may feel like unbearable, but time changes things. If you look at your wrinkling, and bleeding gums, all amount to the change. If he knows how you feel about him, and is dodging you, I think that tells you everything. However, all this is through a third party. Why not get a straight answer from the horse’s mouth. Chat with him without any agenda. As we say in Punjabi ‘have friendship with him’, and see how it goes.