RELATIONSHIPS
Planning a child or expecting your first born? Here’s how to not let it affect your relationship; experts help you have a smooth sail
The stress of welcoming a baby can often strain your relationship with your spouse. Experts list tips on how couples can make the process much smoother.
Why should a child’s birth affect a couple’s relationship? Many couples who have been through such a situation would have an answer to the question, but experts say that it does make a difference. From being a couple to starting a family is a challenging task because a lot of adjustments have to be made by both the partners. Dr Sayantani Mukherjee, consultant psychiatrist, Columbia Asia Hospital, points out that a couple has to treat the baby as an extension of the primary relationship or marriage. She says, “A baby should be conceived when both the people in a relationship want to be parents; not because of age or social pressure or the expectation that having a baby is a solution to the problems in marriage.”
Dr Usha Girish Talvadkar, consultant psychiatrist, Jaslok Hospital and Research Centre, says that pregnant women need constant help and support from their family members, especially the husband. She says, “An expectant mother goes through various physical, emotional and hormonal changes. And, hence she needs constant reassurance and support from her spouse and family throughout the pregnancy and even after the child’s birth.”
HELPING EACH OTHER
As a first, a husband can be his wife’s moral support, and also help in daily household chores, running errands, and by making sure that his better half has a relaxed and tension free pregnancy. Dr Talvadkar says that lending ears to your wife is very important. She says, “Listen to her woes; both physical and emotional. The women in turn can appreciate the help she has been getting. Listening to music can be therapeutic for both. If your spouse is going through an emotional crisis, being there emotionally can help.”
The period before and immediately after a child is born is very stressful for both people in a relationship. So, there are bound to be disagreements. Dr Mukherjee says, “If you are unhappy with your spouse’s parenting decisions, discuss in private and don’t argue. Respect and respond if your spouse is questioning your viewpoints. Let him/her vent out. Remind your spouse that you love him/her. Spouses should appreciate the efforts that their partners are making as far as the baby is concerned, as well as everything in general.”
Another issue that couples need to deal with during and after pregnancy is that of sex. Dr Mukherjee says, “Though sex may not be possible, spend time with each other and bond emotionally. And, after the birth of the baby, do not forget to take time off.”
GREAT EXPECTATIONS
During and after pregnancy, it is important that couples shift priorities. Dr Talvadkar says, “It is a learning process that takes some time and requires a lot of patience and understanding from both. Communication is the key to maintaining a good relationship. Speak plainly about what you want. Don’t bottle up your emotions. Make time for each other. Spend quality time with each other, and continue to socialise no matter how difficult it is.”
Eventually, discussing the logistics of parenting and the kind of help you will need to raise your child is important at this juncture. Dr Mukherjee says, “Speak to your spouse about what kind of parent you see yourself as and how you want to divide spousal and parental duties. And, present a united front as spouses and parents in front of the extended family.”