‘Avoid analysing on a daily basis’
I am a 35-year-old woman and I’ve been married for the last eight years. We are in a happy zone but somehow recently, I feel he has changed his behaviour with me and our daughter. I’ve tried speaking to him but he seems to be reserved. What do I do? — KT
KT, the ancient Native American tribe, The Cheyenne, (pronounced Shian or Sion like a road in Mumbai), had a word for it. Frankly, I can’t remember the word, as I don’t speak their dialect at all. However, the word meant, ‘one’s inward turtle’, which in turn meant to withdraw one’s head into the body. In medieval times, turtles were popular at cocktail parties because they could do tricks such as hold the head within the neck area, turn on their back (where the term turn turtle comes from) and run as fast as they can at the mention of the word soup. Your husband is at the moment performing the first trick. Which begs the question, is he a turtle? Please don’t answer that. Sometimes doing the same old, same old, kills the zest in life. He may be a victim of sheer boredom. Consistency is not for everyone. So, before you start worrying that he’s having an affair, maybe spice things up. Go on a holiday, learn a new hobby together, instead of dinner, go out for breakfast, maybe? Just don’t turn turtle, if you know what I mean.
I am a 28-year-old man and I’ve been married for the last two years. However, I don’t know if she still trusts me completely and I keep seeing some glances of insecurities especially when I’m off on an office trip or party. What do I do? — SD
SD, let’s set the record straight. Oh and yes records were how we heard music, years before you were born, please google it. Basically, you are not insecure about her? She, however, thinks you are George Clooney, (again before you were born, please google him), and that you are the object of every women’s attention. Also, what’s with the ‘office’ party reference? To my trained detective mind, (I once found my mother’s ring in the washing machine, if you don’t know what a washing machine is, please google it), she is worried about a specific someone in your office. I suggest you stop playing dumb and innocent, (please google both), and reassure her about your lack of interest in the said person. Don’t pretend that person does not exist. Talk about her and reassure your wife. Even if there is no specific person, which I highly doubt, be patient and reassure your spouse. In Indian culture swearing helps. By that I mean swearing on your parents, that there’s no office affair.
I am a 25-year-old woman and I’ve just broken up almost two weeks ago. I am trying to move on but it is getting difficult as each day goes by. I don’t want to reconcile. Please help me move on a bit faster. — TC
TC, oops, you don’t want to reconcile, but you just can’t move on either. Oops again. Let’s look at the Italian poet, painter Raniero Raviolli’s 16th century masterpiece. “It takes more than two weeks to cure a broken heart”. Unfortunately, I can’t read out more from the masterpiece, as it was a painting. Yet, clearly in all cultures and climes, two weeks is too less a time, for one to simply move on. Let’s put it in to perspective. Let’s look at (a) Cut lip, (b) Fractured thumb, (c) Broken heart. A cut lip takes 24 hours to mend, unless you have braces. A fractured thumb takes two weeks to heal, unless you break the other thumb as well. A broken heart on an average takes over six months to heal. Of course, if you have an irregular heartbeat, you can double that figure. Please avoid analysing, and looking for cures on a daily basis. In break-ups, you may need to go back and sideways a bit, before you can go forward.
I am a 22-year-old boy and I’ve just started working now almost a month ago. I’ve a crush in my office and I want to approach her. However, she is elder to me and might not take me seriously. What do I do? — UJ
UJ, if you were 12 and had a crush on an adult, they may not have taken you seriously. However, if you are 22, she’ll have to take you seriously. But why such a rush to the serious part. 72% of all questions that I answer here, deal with this rush to the ‘prize’. For you, love is like flying from Delhi to Mumbai, (this is the worst analogy for lovers ever recorded). I suggest you start at the beginning. Check availability of flights, timings, airlines, cost to company etc. Reaching Mumbai is far, far away. And I haven’t even discussed the small matter of air traffic control. Start chatting, and engaging with your crush. See if she’s enjoying your greetings and general company. Don’t worry about missing your flight, as just yet. Just establish contact, please.