Giving love a second chance
Is it okay to fall in love after a sour relationship or a bad break up? We speak to experts and couples about the same
Abreak up, a failed marriage or a sour relationship can be a daunting experience. It could leave you scarred and keep you away from falling in love again. However, what if cupid strikes again? Is it okay to fall in love after a bad experience, a sour relationship or a bad break up?
NOTHING IS PERFECT
Dating a new person, after a break up, doesn’t necessarily mean he or she will be a perfect match for you or that everything will go as expected. Dr Salma Prabhu, clinical psychologist, says that one shouldn’t live with this fear. She says, “Most of the time people are once bitten twice shy. So, the most important thing is to take time to empty yourself of your past. Avoid comparing any situations whether person related or situation related such as the new person in your life has a similar habit or taste etc. Don’t be too hard on yourself or the other person. Go with the flow and enjoy the new relationship and every moment that comes with it.”
For Nidhi Taparia, owner of a media company, falling in love was a bit like When Harry Met Sally (1989) interspersed with scenes from Love Actually (2003), Notting Hill (1999) and My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997). Taparia says, “Before marrying Ashutosh, I dated him and broke up and dated him again, and again and again. In pre-Facebook days, our friends would tease us and ask us to carry relationship status placards when we walked into a party. We chased each other all over the world. I finally realised in Mumbai, when I was recovering from an accident, that he is the one for me. He has always been the first I have called, every time I have been in trouble. And, when he was injured, I did just the same. That moment of realisation that he’s the first person you call after you’ve had the biggest scare in your life made me think about him all over again.”
TAKING CHANCES
Being in love can also be a beautiful feeling and Dr Sanyogita Nadkarni, MBBS MRCPsych agrees. She says, “You cannot shy or stay away from a relationship because of the fear of losing out. Love is definitely about giving yourself a second chance. You just have to be careful not to use the present relationship to fill the void. Do not take it lightly and give your best. Be commitment friendly.”
Dr Alpes Panchal, consultant psychiatrist, says, “A break up is like losing someone. And, after a loss, there comes a period of grief. This happens when you lose any loved one — family member, spouse, love interest, pets, colleagues, etc.”
According to Panchal, grief, post a break up, comes in five stages — denial, anger, bargain, depression and finally acceptance. He says, “It is only after you complete all five stages that you're completely healed and ready to emotionally fall in love with someone again. If you do fall in love when you're grieving, chances are that it will become a substitute for a loved one that you've lost.” He adds, “Once a person doesn't remember the ex regularly in his or her day-to-day life, it is okay for them to fall in love again. It wouldn't be fair to the new partner because there will be constant comparisons and longing for the previous loved one. So, irrespective of the break up being bad or mutual, it's a safe bet to take some time off and introspect. ”
Taparia shares, “We all like to be loved and love back. Being single is absolutely overrated. If it wasn’t for my husband, I would not have been able to quit my job at one of India’s leading telecom companies and dared to chase my entrepreneurial dream.”