Women say no to arranged matches
Letting their families choose their life partners gets thumbs down from ladies, reveals a marriageportal survey
Getting intimidated while making the choice of a lifetime is no longer acceptable to women. There is data to prove this, at least when it comes to marriages.
Recently, shaadi.com conducted a survey to understand the mindset around marriages in India. As part of the survey, men and women answered questions on various parameters.
So, when women were asked what type of marriage they would like to have, none said “arranged by family,” while 32% men said they wanted it. The findings are significant, as arranged marriages are very common in the country.
DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS
So, what has brought about the change in women’s mindsets? Suyog V Jaiswal, assistant professor in psychiatry, HBT Medical College, says, “this could be because, in most arranged marriages in India, women have little say.”
He adds, “Many people are still patriarchal and orthodox in their outlook. Men, even in arranged marriages, have the freedom to have an opinion or choice. The unlikeness of this liberty may be a significant factor. Apart from that, women are largely known to prioritise the emotional connect over physical appearance, and financial situation in an institution like marriage.”
He adds, “Marriage is a gamble that is played by a family, for which a woman has to pay the price.”
Another reason why women may be not be in favour of arranged marriages could be the fact that after marriage they have to live with a family that is absolutely new to them. Jaiswal says , “In an arranged marriage, it’s different for women as they not only have to live with a new man, but a family as well, both of whom are more or less strangers. This poses a greater challenge for women. Being in the driver’s seat post marriage makes it a comfortable proposition for men in arranged marriages, whereas it becomes a challenging endeavour for independent women.”
NEW DIMENSIONS
Now that women are not in favour of arranged marriages, at least according to the survey, will the setup of arranged marriages die a slow death in the long run? Kavita Mungi, mental health counsellor, doesn’t think so. She says, “It won’t really die. But, the terms and conditions of the concept may change, and evolve over time. For example, in the 50’s, parents would arrange marriage without the woman even seeing her groom-tobe. Later, in the 70’s, the prospective couple started getting a chance to see each other in the presence of elders. But, elders still made the final decision. In the
90’s, many prospective brides and grooms finally started getting the freedom to choose their partner. Today, the concept of arranged marriage still works. These days, even in an arranged marriage setup, many couples may go on a few dates after seeing each other for the first time, and then take the final decision. The modern woman is educated, careerdriven, and independent. So, naturally, she is exercising her right to choose the person that she would want to marry.”
The terms and conditions of the concept of arranged marriage may change and evolve over time. These days, even in an arranged marriage setup, many couples may go on a few dates after seeing each other the first time, and then take the final decision
KAVITA MUNGI, MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELLOR