CHEATING AND PUBLIC REVENGE: WHEN LOVE LEAVES YOU SHATTERED
There’s life after you have been cheated on. How good or bad it’s going to be depends on how you deal with the incident
Last month, Hasin Jahan posted a video on Facebook titled ‘Happy Birthday, Wifey!’ Made by her husband cricketer Mohammad Shami, it had mushy pictures of the couple, with Shami using words such as ‘I am blessed to have such an awesome wife’ and ‘With each passing year, my love for you has grown, dear wife’ to declare his unfailing love for Jahan. Jahan is his wife of five years, with whom he has a three-year-old daughter. The two fell in love and married, after which Jahan, who once aspired to be a model and actor, allegedly put an end to her career. The couple seemed so much in love every time they made public appearances. One couldn’t have imagined that just after a month, Jahan would file an FIR against her husband, claiming that he was having multiple illicit affairs. Jahan allegedly discovered that Shami was indulging in obscene chats with multiple women after she was able to access the security code in his phone. The woman posted screenshots of his chats on Facebook. While many sympathised with Jahan, and took to trolling Shami, many sided with Shami, seconding his rebuttal. Within a few days, Jahan and Shammi’s life turned into a circus. While a visibly agonised Jahan kept giving endless media interviews, trolls from across the world had a field day putting up the most callous and demeaning comments on her Facebook profile.
IS SOCIAL MEDIA THE RIGHT PLACE TO VENT OUT?
When your personal life is thrown open in Facebook posts like Jahan’s, it might mess up your life in more ways than you can imagine, says Supreme Court lawyer Indira Unninayar. “When your expectations are trust and loyalty, it is very distressing, unless of course, both the parties have decided that it’s an ‘open’ relationship. However, when you choose to make your differences public, it is inevitable that it will escalate into something beyond your control,” says the lawyer. Lashing out at your partner in a public space only attracts the wrong type of attention. “Confront your partner privately, see if it is possible to sort out the issue, and if things do not work out, you may want to walk out of the marriage,” says Unninayar.
RECOVERY IS A JOURNEY
If you feel it’s the end of the world for you, tell yourself that there was a time when this person wasn’t there in your life. “You still lived a few happy moments. The pain will subside. Allow yourself to heal and give the process some time. It won’t happen over overnight. Have realistic expectations from yourself,” says psychologist Pulkit Sharma. Remind yourself that you have met good and bad people in non-romantic contexts. You have had friends who stood by you, and friends who back-stabbed you. “Tell yourself that not everyone is the same. Not all romantic partners will break your trust,” says Sharma.
A PHILANDERING PARTNER IS NOT THE SPOUSE’S FAULT
Accusations such as you weren’t good enough are highly damaging. Women have often been heartlessly told that their husbands cheated because they ceased to be attractive. The truth is that a person can cheat on the most good looking, intelligent and successful partner. Cheating reflects lack of integrity of character, and the one who cheated needs to be held accountable, not the one who was cheated on. “While it could be a good time for both partners to introspect what led to the failure of their relationship, save yourself from getting into the self-accusation mode,” says Unninayar. If your partner makes you guilty, understand that the person is trying to silence you. The partner who cheated should be the one feeling remorse. You may have made your sets of mistakes, but those nay not be the reason for your partner to get into an affair.