ARGGHH… THAT LIFE PARTNER SEARCH!
The matrimony universe is still buzzing with profiles, duh… but also irritants that we’ve had enough of
Ithink there’s only one thing more stressful than married life itself. And that is the struggle to get married. How ironical, that we take loads of stress in the desire to basically invite loads of stress in our lives. Par koi sune tab nah.
I recently read somewhere that the stress of not being able to find the right life partner figures among the top three stresses of those nearing 30 years of age. No wonder matrimony websites ki dukaan itni zor shor se chal rahi hai. But are there things in this process of finding a life partner online that can put you off? I asked a few young people in my universe — those who were candid enough to admit that their profile exists on matrimonial websites — about what pisses them off the most.
Frankly, I wasn’t as surprised at the answers as I was to realise that we may have changed years on calendars and turned ‘progressive’ as we did, but nothing much has changed with the fundamentals of how the concept of arranged marriages works in our country. So whether through traditional ads in a newspaper or on fancy profiles on fancier shaadi websites, these irritants continue to bug us.
LIES, BIG OR SMALL
No one, just no one is encouraged to be completely honest about themselves on a matrimonial website. A female colleague tells me, “I drink occasionally, and I said so on my profile. I got a call from the website representative the next day saying that they have ‘caught a mistake’ in my form, and that I obviously meant to write ‘No’ in the question about drinking. I told them it’s not a mistake, and that I do drink occasionally. ‘Ma’am, maybe you can tell this to the guy when you meet him and ‘become close’, but if you write it in the profile, forget about getting any responses at all,’ the website chap replied.”
By the way, it’s not just women. “I wrote ‘No’ to smoking in my matrimonial profile and got four matches in one day. Then my dad said I should be honest, so I changed that to ‘occasional smoker’. Three out of the four backed out,” reveals a young guy in my team. “People mostly lie about weight, height, complexion, habits so that at least the first meeting can happen,” he says.
Interestingly enough, even those who have indeed kept pace with changing times don’t want that change displayed upfront. “I’m okay if the girl drinks. I’m modern in that sense. But obviously not a girl who says this in her profile itself,” confesses a guy. So you see, lies delivered because, lies expected.
EXPECTATIONS GALORE
Well-educated, good-looking, high on values, well-earning etc toh chalta hi thaa…now a lot of profiles are innovative, and well, blunt. ‘Please don’t respond if more than two siblings’, reads a post that perhaps should have been on EklauteBachcheyKiShaadi. com if such a site existed.
‘Very, very fair with no freckles’, demands another. ‘Preferably in teaching job but even if in another job, should be home before 8am and after 2pm.’ Itna specific toh bechari ko teaching job mein bhi nahi milega.
Guys also can’t breathe easy with just being tall, handsome and ‘suitably’ earning. They, too, have to face the bojh of bizarre expectations. Sample this : ‘Boy should have a separate sedan car from his parents’. Huh?
Next in the list of irritants are those who, in the quest for like-mindedness, ensure that their profile is a full-fledged essay on the philosophy of life. “I once got a request from a guy who had written a thousand words just on how he perceives spirituality,” says a girl, adding that it freaked her out that every conversation with him afterwards would be a discourse.
Then there are those who, in the name of being sensitive in not wanting to reject a girl, send only their family to see her. A colleague, who has been through the drama, said, “Just imagine, after so many mails back and forth, I took leave from office for the meeting and only the parents and sister of the guy showed up. ‘Montu says, Mummy, agar aap ko pehle pasand aayegi tab mein dekh loonga’ said his mom.’” Vaise Montu abhi tak dekh hi raha hai.
And the worst, according to some, are people who, if not interested to pursue an alliance after exchanging several messages online, suddenly decide to do the vanishing act. “A girl used to message me at least 4-5 times a day while we were still contemplating. Then one day, she completely stopped responding. Like, she didn’t even have the decency to send a message saying it is not working out,” laments a guy.
PHOTOSHOPPERS
“Photos toh kabhi real-looking honge hi nahi, aap shart laga lo,” says a guy in my team, ready to bet on the fact that 90% of the photos on matrimonial websites are airbrushed or taken through beauty filters and apps. “Plus, it’s irritating when sometimes there is only one pic, mostly a selfie, taken from a flattering angle,” he adds. Also, apparently, it is common practice to see fake accounts with photos of popular models and celebrities. The moment you sign up and register, these accounts don’t show up for you to contact anymore. Well, thank God they don’t, one would only want to contact genuine people. Genuine, did you say?