Is your relationship only physical?
Collin Rodrigues
Sex holds an important place in most romantic relationships. However, if it becomes priority then consider it as a warning, say experts. You might value your partner for the person he or she is, but there’s a chance that their reasons to date you have more to do with sex and pleasure than anything else. He/she will never tell you the truth and you will believe the story. So, when you are in such a relationship, how do you gauge whether your partner is there only for sex? Below, we decode this aspect of relationships as experts give us telltale signs.
SEX AT FIRST SIGHT
As soon as you start dating a person, you are not trying to build a better bond. Your aim is sex. Dr Ambrish Dharmadhikari, a psychiatrist, says, “Sex is an important part of the relationship. But, one should not jump into having sex with the desired partner. Before engaging in sex with someone, one should know where the relationship stands.”
COMPLIMENTING ONLY YOUR LOOKS
Complimenting each other is another very important element in a relationship. But, if these compliments are only restricted to looks, there is a problem. Psychosocial analyst and relationship counsellor Aman Bhonsle says, “If the compliments are only restricted to physical attributes, grooming and clothing, and there is no curiosity about your work life, family values, travel dreams, food preferences and hobbies etc, you know that your body and thus sex is all that’s on your partner’s mind. This could mean that he/she is not keen on learning more about you.”
COMMITTING TOO EARLY
Psychotherapist Neeta V Shetty says that committing too early is also a warning sign. She says, “If your partner commits to you or gets involved too soon, for example in the first few dates, without trying to understand you or know you as a person, it is a red flag. He or she could be just physically attracted to you and sex may be the most important aspect for him/her.”
SEX TALK
Most of the time, he/she talks dirty even when it isn’t needed. Many of your messages are interspersed with sex talk. Marketing professionals Anik Loke and Namrata Parsekar started dating in February this year. But, soon, Namrata encountered a problem.
Relationship expert Vishnu Modi, who counselled her, shares, “A few days after they started dating, Namrata started receiving sexual jokes. She didn’t complain and her silence was construed as acceptance for the jokes. But, then Anik started sending her semi porn pictures. Making him understand in a mild manner didn’t help. So, she consulted me.”
When Namrata confronted Anik, he apologised and stopped sending such content. But, he started talking dirty and told her indirectly that he wanted to have sex. Modi says, “This is when she realised that this relationship was heading in the wrong direction and called it off.”
WHEN THEY SHARE EVERYTHING ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Social media is an important part of our lives. But, there is a limit to what you post online, especially about your relationship. Bhonsle says, “If every aspect of a relationship is visible to the world, it means your partner is being seen more as a trophy than as an individual. This could also mean that sex based on attraction is a major driving force behind the relationship, with little else that’s common between you two.”
WHEN THEY ARE FRISKY AND DO NOT RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES
According to Bhonsle, people who are more interested in sex than you may use inappropriate touching as a way of fulfilling their sexual urges. He says, “He/she may constantly be looking to touch you in a sexually provocative manner regardless of the place or time. This may be at the cost of your comfort. It shows that he/she is looking for little else other than his sexual desires.”
THE GUILTY CONSCIENCE
In such a relationship, where sex is all that a person craves for, he/she will often make you feel guilty and ask for sex in return. Shetty says, “He/she can guilt trip you, making you feel like you have to compensate by having sex in return for all the other things that your partner is doing for you, such as taking you out on a date or gifting you expensive stuff.”
SEX IS THE MOTIVE FOR MOST ACTIVITIES
A person in such a relationship will be always upset when his/her plans, which would have eventually led to sex, don’t materialise. Shetty says, “If your partner shows disappointment or frustration when his/her plans – such as watching a movie and going back home together or partying at a friend’s place and going back home together — do not end up in getting him/her physical intimacy or sex, it is a warning sign.”
UNAVAILABLE EMOTIONALLY
A person, who only wants you for sex will never be there for you emotionally. Shetty says, “When your partner is unavailable emotionally, for example never wanting to be there for you when you are having some emotional issues or problems but always being available for having time together physically, it’s time you realise that your partner may be there for you only for the sex bit.”
NARRATING YOUR PAST SEXUAL EXPLOITS AGAIN AND AGAIN
If your partner wants you for sex, he/she will get it by talking about their past sexual experiences. Bhonsle says, “He/she will constantly get into a comparison game between the fun that he/she had in bed with a previous partner and a desire to replicate the episode in the new relationship.”
Modi recalls the case of Bina Shah, a banking professional, who dated and even promised marriage to Gautam Sheth, an architect. He says, “Bina started dating Gautam on a rebound. Her boyfriend had dumped her for another woman, and within two weeks, she had started dating Gautam. Apparently, she was very active sexually in her past relationships and expected the same from her new boyfriend. Every time, after the sexual act would start, she would start comparing her past to the present. After a while, Gautam stopped giving in, and this is when one thing led to another and she started cheating on him.” Gautam eventually realised the truth and broke up with Bina.