Don’t kiss your crush to find out if they like you back — use WhatsApp instead remember, she’s not a pair of tights.

I am sexually attracted to my friend. We spend a lot of time together. But I have never even tried to kiss her because I fear she may end our friendship. What should I do? TK Russian ballet dancer Sergei Igorarov had the same problem as you, with a slight difference. He was sexually attracted to his own tights. A lilac green coloured pair of tights. One day, his thighs got too big his tights. Sergei got distraught and stood like a statue for four days and nights, and finally had to be hospitalised. Why am I telling you this story, you wonder? TK, you are very lucky; you are not in love with clothing, but with a real flesh-and-blood girl. Please don’t try and kiss her. Try and get cues from her. Is she looking into your eyes? Is she holding her gaze? Maybe try and hold her hand while crossing a road? First check for the love cues. It’s just the way she looks at you. If you both giggle together a lot; that’s a good sign, it shows that kissing is imminent. Always I have been friends with a girl for a year. Though we chat a lot, we have met just about three or four times. Recently, she proposed to me. I like her only as a friend. What should I do? VD

VD, I’m stunned. I’ve taken two Vitamin C’s, Celin. And I’ll tell you what. You have stunned me! You see, if you really like her only as a ‘friend’, what’s the problem? Why would you write in? If you are not interested in her in ‘that’ way, you have your answer. So obviously, I concur, after consulting both Google and three other search engines based in China, that in actuality, the truth may be quite the opposite. In so much as saying that Rahul Gandhi is BJP or Narendra Modi is Congress, one infers the opposite. You seems to have done the same. May be, it is all happening too fast for you. Why don’t you be honest with her and tell her so? But first be honest with yourself and figure out just what your feelings for her really are.

We are in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend of one year never takes out time to call or text me. He is always with his friends and says he is busy whenever I call him. This is why I feel detached sometimes. I trust him cent percent. However, I do not feel he makes the same efforts to talk to me as I do. Please help. HK

HK, this is a question, pure and simple, of statistics. A question of maths, if you will. Like Nirav Modi owes the Kemps Corner bridge parking attendant ₹14,307 for unpaid parking. Maths, my friend, just maths. How much does he not call or text you? How much time is he out with his friends? What total percentage of time is he finding excuses to avoid you? Does he even remember your name? Or he is constantly calling you Mohit by mistake? You are already in a long distance relationship, and he is not putting any effort? Well, that spells the Urdu word for ‘doom’ — which, apparently, isn’t ‘dhoom’. As a piece of satire, send him a friend request. But stop trying so hard, and see where the relationship goes. If it goes nowhere, when the ball’s in your court and you have your answer.