‘Breaks are the worst idea ever, worse than even Brexit’

I am a 34-year-old woman and I’ve been married for the last six years now. However, my husband has never been that expressive. I want to address this issue without changing anything between us. How do I approach this? -DT DT, the Persian poet, Firdausi (not the famous one. This was Firdausi Jamani, who worked in marketing in the day and wrote poetry at night), wrote a poem called the Octopus Claw. In this he explained, that men without expression are emotional infants and need to be coaxed into expressing themselves. He suggested a couple of ways. (a) Pinch his belly fat. (b) Put calipers on his ear lobes. (c) Make him listen to a whole Jonas Brothers’ album. Let me tell you that even Priyanka Chopra failed to do the last one. All I can say is don’t be petty. One thing you can try is conversing by text or email. He may be inclined to express himself better by text. Be patient and help him through his emotional coma.

I am a 25-year-old guy and I’ve been dating a colleague for the last six months. We often have misunderstandings creeping in because of our work situations. How can I avoid this? -TL TL, the answer lies in the philosophy of the ancient Greeks. Keep an XL-sheet. Or at least a log book. Yes, all these were invented by the Greeks, along with onehanded leg wrestling and finger Panja. I suggest, you jot down each other’s work schedule and spent 20 minutes every Monday morning planning your various rendezvous (without Simi Garewal) and dates. Information is key. The Greek, by the way, also invented information. As for contingency plans, you can connect easily through other Greek inventions, such as, SMS, Whatsapp, email, Instagram, and the latest Greek invention, face-to-face conversations. It is a brand new concept, so sink into it slowly. Inform each other and be wiser.

I am a 32-year-old woman and I’ve been dating a younger guy for the last seven months. However, I’m thinking of settling down now but he is not ready yet. Is it time to give things a break? -PR Breaks, I think, are the worst idea ever, worse even than middle-aged men in Spandex, and yes Brexit (which was conceived by middle aged men in Spandex, so I’m told). Think of school. We all loved the break, but nobody wanted to go back to the curriculum, except this girl called Madhura, who felt that breaks were unnecessary. PR, by the way, is an unusual name for a 32year-old, but not an unusual profession. Forget the break. First try and sell him your point of view. If he really doesn’t want to settle down, then perhaps he’s not really into you. And then it’s not called a break, it’s called a departure.