WHEN U TRY 2 KEEP CALM BUT THEY KEEP TESTIN' U
After today, think twice before asking someone a personal question that leaves them embarrassed
1 What’s your salary? TPA: (Sheepish smile) God’s been kind. Bas kaam chal jaata hai. It’s just the start of the career, but it will get better in a few years... etc. etc. (ugh)
TYOA: I’m happy you asked. Do you want a loan? I charge really high interest but can afford to lend big amounts at a short notice. I didn’t know you were having trouble with finances. How much do you need? (Disclaimer: Don’t try with the tribe of chachis, maamis,mausis, etc. or your parents would kick you out.)
2 When are you having kids? (or in desi style: Good news kab de rahe ho?)
TPA: (Smile) When the right time comes. These things are in God’s hands. (Go, cry in a corner)
TYOA: (Looking them in the eye) We are waiting to see how your kids turn out before we decide. And feeling very anxious at the way it’s going so far.
3 To the parents or siblings of a girl who got married recently — She’s happy, no? (Khush toh hai nah?)
TPA: Yeah, she calls me every evening and for twoand-a-half hours, tells me how happy she is.
TYOA: No, yaar. She tried to poison her mother-in-law yesterday but the neighbour’s stupid cat drank the milk. I’ve asked her to wait before the next attempt.
4 Have you noticed that you’re getting fat? How much do you weigh?
TPA: (Look down embarrassingly) Yeah, don’t ask. I’ll start working out from this New Year.
TYOA: Shit, really? It totally skipped me because the mirror at home is broken. 450kg isn’t much. And the paunch is the latest style trend in the West. You should try it, though it’s not easy.
5 Why exactly did you break up?
TPA: We’re just not compatible. It was not meant to be.
TYOA: (Very seriously) She wanted to try her luck in Hollywood. And I was always in favour of our own cinema. You’ve got to be patriotic. No? By the way, the idiot store called. They are running out of you. You better rush.
6 To a heavily pregnant woman: Oh God, you look huge. Are you having twins?
TPA: (Sheepish) No, just one, a little healthy, I guess.
TYOA: No. Are you?
Okay, fine. My answers above are rude and perhaps you should not try them at all. But I hope you do get the point. Do not venture so much into people’s personal lives that you leave them awkward and embarrassed, when it is you who is at fault. If they feel like sharing personal stuff with you, they would do so on their own. Let’s try and not be experts in ill manners. This is one PhD we should not mind dropping out of, midway. What say? Sonal Kalra is considering cosmetic surgery for nonexistent under-eye circles. Maybe that woman indeed has the power to see things that others can’t. Will ask her about her family background in detail tomorrow. Mail your calmness tricks at facebook.com/ sonalkalra13. Follow on Twitter at @sonalkalra.
You can now also listen to Sonal Kalra’s podcast #TensionNot on http:// HTsmartcast.com and http://hthealthshots.com