WHAT’S YOUR QUICK FIX FOR RUDE PEOPLE?

Isometimes bump into this woman on my way back from work. Whenever she sees me, she asks me one, and only one question: ‘You look tired, are you unwell?’ For a long time, I kept telling myself, ‘Aww, how sweet. She is so concerned for me’. And even though I didn’t really feel tired or unwell, I would politely reply, ‘Yeah, it’s been an awfully tiring day at work’.

But, to be honest, I don’t quite enjoy being told everyday that I don’t seem okay, and it is now bugging the hell out of me. Yesterday, she said, ‘You are getting dark circles under your eyes. Have you been partying too much or are you sick?’ I could have gone and fretted in front of the mirror for an hour, but this time I took my face closer to hers and asked, ‘Are they as dark as yours or even worse?’ The last I know, she had booked a doctor’s appointment for a check-up.

See, I know you are still wondering what’s the big deal in what she said, and, in all probability, think my reply was rude. Well, yes it was, but so was her question. We, in India, are taught a skewed and rather limited definition of the term ‘rude’, while we are growing up. We are told that if a person raises his voice or speaks in a harsh, unpleasant way, it is rude.

So we tend to focus only on the packaging of the words and how they are being delivered, more than what is being said! We don’t realise that it is totally unacceptable even when the ‘packaging’ is super sweet but the content smacks of nothing but ill manners.

A colleague of mine was visiting his hometown recently when a woman relative asked him what he does for a living.

‘I work in a newspaper,’ he replied. ‘Achha? Kitna daal lete ho?’ she asked. Wondering whether she mistook him for a newspaper vendor (in his place, I would’ve wondered if she was fond of making obscene remarks!), he stood quiet. And then she elaborated, ‘Har mahiney kitna daal lete ho bank mein?’ (How much goes in your bank every month?). Ahh, so she was asking him about his salary. No big deal, you may again say. Damn rude, I think.

Sadly, we see nothing wrong in crossing the boundary and asking fairly personal questions of people, sometimes even strangers. Well, I think it’s unfair to put up with them in the name of politeness. Here are some of the rude questions we Indians specialise in asking, as if it’s the compulsory thesis for a PhD in ill manners. Since I don’t wish to be seen as advocating rudeness à la ‘An eye for an eye’, I suggest two possible ways of coping with the question — the polite answer (TPA), and the I-amtaking-you-on answer (TYOA). Choose yours, at your own risk.