India Today

No! That’s not equality, It’s h change a nati

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You remember in the beginning? In the beginning God made man. God made man in his own image. And then that was it. Mankind, humanity, woman. Man, man, man. What chance in Hell did we ever have? We were sidelined from the Big Bang. You remember Draupadi? Draupadi married off to all five Pandavas. She garlanded only Arjun But they told her you got to marry all of us. Five husbands! That can’t be fun. God knows I have enough trouble with one.

Or what about Eve and the apple? Blaming one woman for all mankind’s evil? Surya and Kunti, The Virgin Mary. Do you know Gaia? The Goddess Mother Earth, She’s the one we all trample on. And remember Aphrodite, Goddess of love and beauty. Lest we forget, she was also The patron of prostituti­ng. Persephone, She was less known. Raped by Hades She became Queen of the underworld. Not even goddesses were left alone. You might not know A’isha, She was one of the wives of Prophet Mohammad. She challenged a Caliph for power It created quite a ruckus, It led to war in fact, All because of one woman’s fuss, And so was born the tradition Islamic That women should not engage in anything politic. But of course they did, Thank God they did. Women have their ways, As somebody once put it. The Queen of Sheba, Empress Theodora, Rabia al’ Basra, Cleopatra, The Victorian Era, The Mona Lisa The Suffragett­es, Marilyn Monroe, The sixties and burning bras, The unpopular Thatcher and our own Indira Et cetra et cetra and now here we are. Here we are, We’ve survived this far, Thanks to seduction, perhaps some manipulati­on, But mostly thanks to Mother Nature and ovulation. Now look at all the queens and goddesses of history, No prince came to the rescue, No king ever went down on one knee, No deity was even that trustworth­y, Yet all we’ve been told since we were three, Are fairytales, adverts, and pretty stories, Telling us to pray, hope, And wait to be saved. Here we are today. Here we are, On Internatio­nal Women’s Day, With some minor disappoint­ments, And a few little things to say. The woman in red, The girl in pink, The widow in white, The burqa in black, The colour of lipstick, Viva Glam, Lady Danger, Fresh Brew, Faux, Frenzy, Hot Gossip and Sweetie. Ramblin, Siss, Crème Cup, Paramount and Modesty. Fetish, Spice it up, Naked Paris, Honey Love and Odyssey. Apply, line, smack, seal, pout, And you’re ready to go out. Ugh!!! Sometimes I just want an oversized T-shirt, boxer shorts, unkempt hair and unibrows. I want armpit hair long enough to plait I want a clean face without a trace of make-up.

 ?? ROHIT CHAWLA ??
ROHIT CHAWLA

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