‘Don’t be so touchy, don’t be so touchable’

URmila, bangaloRe, 29 Founder, How revealing.com, a website For sexual assault survivors

Iremember the first time I saw a penis—it was when I was 9, at the back gate of my school. A friend and I stared in fascination while a man stood casually, watching the girls, fondling his testicles. We didn’t know what he was doing, but I had an instant feeling of disgust. Nasty at 9. I remember being told at 13, wear a slip under your school shirt, don’t show the world that you are wearing a bra. I rolled my eyes. Nasty at 13. At 18, I remember shouting at two men who whistled at me, flashing me. So, nasty at 18. I remember at 25, while at a music festival, someone casually pinched my bum and disappeared into the crowd. I screamed in anger and frustration, helpless. Nasty at 25. Don’t cry. Don’t fight back. Don’t be scared. Don’t wear a skirt. Don’t show your legs. Don’t show your cleavage. Don’t wear make-up. Don’t go out at night. Don’t go out to work. Don’t be so touchy...Don’t be so touchable. It happens. Move on. Forget it. We don’t want to know…But you need to know and we need to speak about it. We’d rather be nasty than scared, angry, ashamed...flashed at, groped, molested, abused, raped, killed. Silenced. We need to speak out to be heard. Forgive ourselves. Heal. End the stigma, fix our ‘rape problem’—together.