Sex and Sensibility
Why women need to shed their inhibitions and come out of the sexual shell in order to be liberated
Women need to accept their sexual desires and learn to live with them
Of all the disservices that we women do to ourselves, the most common is that we do not consider ourselves sexual creatures. Blame it on the conditioning we’ve been slapped with all through our growing years and add to it the Madonna-whore dichotomy that the patriarchy imposes on us. The fear of being judged for being sexual creatures makes most women play down their sexual selves and desires. If this is you, and you find yourself always holding back when it comes to all matters carnal, perhaps these tips could help.
Tell yourself you deserve better sex
The only person holding you back is you yourself. If you don’t make your sexual welfare a priority, no one else will. Lying back and thinking about England might have been sound advice for a generation with no handy birth control but there’s no reason why you should be prised up from the frozen earth, unless there are medical issues or you do find intercourse painful, in which case a generous application of lube, stern instructions to the partner to ensure you are raring to go, and if all this fails, a consultation with a sexologist is in order.
Self pleasure is your best teacher
Experimenting with what works for you, what gets you going, what does not is what will make you understand your body and reactions to various stimuli. Knowing how you can make yourself reach an orgasm makes it easier to get there, given that the path to the female orgasm is slippery and peppered with many traps.
Make friends with your body
You’re not going to be tripping down the pathway to the Big O if the internal monologue in your head is running on a loop about your droopy butt or the
Michelin Man tyres around your waist. Every morning when you go in for your shower, look at yourself in the mirror naked and focus on one part of your body to love.
Don’t shy away from porn
Is it any wonder the major demographic that helped boost E L James trilogy straight to the top of all the bestselling charts were adult women, most of them married? Never mind the debate we could have about Anastasia’s quivering inner goddess needing a stern talking to, in a red room of pain if required, the fact remains that erotica is a vital tool recommended by most therapists.
Embrace sensual textures
Learning to embrace one’s sexuality also includes learning to enjoy nonsexual touching and textures. Wearing sensual textures of silk and satin can make your nerve endings go on overdrive, so can getting a good massage.
Initiate sex
Female sex drives are more responsive when compared with men who are spontaneous, and we have variable arousal patterns. Sometimes being the one to initiate sex can be a sudden aphrodisiac. Also, libido and sex are the classic chicken and egg syndrome, the more you have of it, the more you will want of it.
Ask for what you want
You need a gentle massage to get you in the mood, while your partner thinks reaching out and tapping your shoulder is the best foreplay ever. The only way to get the gap between expectation and reality bridged is to state your wants and needs clearly. If it is fantasising that gets you going, whisper what you’re imagining into your partner’s ears. If you want to try out something a trifle risqué, suggest it. There’s an entire universe of sexual exploration out there if you only go beyond your comfort zone.
THE FEAR OF BEING JUDGED FOR BEING SEXUAL CREATURES MAKES WOMEN UNDERPLAY THEIR DESIRES