YOUR LIFE, YOUR CHOICE

If love rules, then follow your heart, as utlimately time is the only power and you should be your boss

My mother doesn’t live with us. After divorce she lives in Oman. I miss her always. I’m in class 7. How to cope with this? Nilaa, Kolkata

Life is life, and you gotta accept it to a certain extent. The wonderful thing about mother is that no matter how far away she might be, you’ll always be cosmically connected. But nonetheless, bring it to both your parents’ notice how much you miss your mother and long to be with her. Video chat with her and stay connected on phone as much as possible. Request her to relocate to a place close to where you stay so that frequently meeting her in person would be easier. Do make visit plans with her and ensure that she is aware of the void you feel.

My parents are always fighting, even at the dinner table. My dad makes bitter sarcastic remarks, and my mom is just mean. I want to run away! T.sekhar, Noida

Speak with one or both of your parents about how their fighting affects you. It is best you can do this with the two of them present, so they can both know how you feel! During a fight, leave the room if possible. Go into your room, put on your headphones and crank up the stereo if you must. The further away you are from the “line of fire” (verbally speaking) the less likely you’ll be emotionally drained from the experience. Recognize that they are not fighting because of you. This is true even if your name comes into the conversation. In this case it has more to do with a disagreement between parenting styles and little to do with any misbehavior on your part. Remember that it was never or now your fault. Stay confident. Don’t let this issue get in the way of how you feel about yourself. Try to say a couple good things about yourself before you go to school or anywhere. Contact any senior family member if you feel there is an imminent threat of danger to anyone in the house.

I’m in a wrong relationship. I’m broken. What can I do? Name unknown

Several actions can be taken to rid ourselves of negative relationships.

First, you can attempt to fix the relationship. Explain that you’re not attempting to change them as a person; you simply want to change how your relationship works. Finally, ask them what they’d like to change about the relationship. Ask them how you can add more value. Listen attentively, act accordingly. Or, if you’re unable to change the relationship, you can end it altogether. This is incredibly difficult, but it applies to any relationship. If someone is doing nothing but draining your life, it’s perfectly acceptable to tell them “This relationship is no longer right for me, so I must end it—i must move on.” It’s OK to move on.

I’m a widow, 38. I don’t know whether or not to remarry. What’s your view? Uma Devi, New Delhi

Your life, your choice. If you truly feel that you want to settle down, please do. If that inch of doubt remains, wait for the one who might wipe the ‘whether or not’ syndrome someday. If love rules, please follow the heart. If it doesn’t, just live your life the way that makes you happy. Time is the only power and you should be your boss. Don’t take any decision unless you are sure about it.

If an inch of doubt remains, wait for the one who might wipe the ‘whether or not’ syndrome someday